Article 19: Conversations for Progress and Completion
This is the nineteenth in a series of articles based on my Redesigning Conversations A Workbook: Self-Coaching Questions for Parents, Leaders, Teachers, and Coaches. Figures, exercises, question sets, tables, and case studies are numbered sequentially.
As noted in Article 14, naming a conversation is a powerful tool for having better conversations to address our and others’ concerns and to create possibilities.
In this article, I discuss conversations for progress and completion.
Rarely do tasks go to plan. It is vital to:
That is, don’t act in silos, and do keep the conversations going.
In my experience, it is rare for the person requesting a task to get annoyed at changes and delay, provided they have been kept informed. That is, there are no surprises.
No surprises
One underlying must-have for all my bosses was ‘no surprises’. This was the same for their bosses, especially the CEO, who is accountable to the board. I remember early in my career when I was responsible for negotiating a change to a long-term supply contract. In documenting the outcome with the buyer, I forgot to include a protective provision important to our CEO. I realised my mistake after the legal documents were concluded but before they were signed. I was mortified. I immediately told our CEO, also mentioning I had called the person I was dealing with for a meeting. He thanked me for telling him and asked to be kept informed of my efforts. I succeeded. Even if I had not succeeded, I believe the CEO would not have berated me. He knew I was taking on the berating role, learning from it.
The same principles apply in the family.
Exercise 54: No surprises
Balancing control, needing to know, and giving space to learn
A challenge for all of us is to being able to delegate tasks and, when we do, to keep from interfering. It takes time and effort as a leader and parent to create a space for others (team members, children) to learn through delegating tasks to them. Many struggle to delegate, or when they do, they find it a challenge to resist stepping in to direct and sometimes take over the task. I have had to work at this. We are doing no favours to ourselves, our team members, or our children when we seek to pull the strings, as in Figure 15. It is our role to trust them and provide a space for them to develop the core elements that go to trust, being sincerity, competence, involvement, and reliability.
In my book, ‘Redesigning Conversations: A Guide to Communicating Effectively in the Family, Workplace, and Society’, I referred to the following parenting and leadership values that assisted Margi Brown Ash and me in what I call my control freak tendencies:
Exercise 55: Letting go of control freak tendencies
Checking in (as a conversation for progress and completion)
Two scenarios are worth mentioning here.
Our physical and mental health
At the beginning of the COVID-19 pandemic, the Australian government published the #InThisTogether infographic, which has thirteen tips for our mental health.[3]? I call these mood manoeuvres in Question Set 3, Article 7. One is ‘Check in and be kind to yourself’. I read this as taking time to see how you are going, and not to beat yourself up if you have ups and downs during lockdowns, including absorbing the inconsistent advice and approaches from doctors, politicians, and social media.
In the context of carrying out a task, it is important for a parent and leader to check in with their children and team members to ensure they are coping physically and mentally. I was fortunate to have this role modelled early in my career when reporting to the executive team on the progress of a project I was leading. After the meeting, the CEO took me aside and encouraged (quietly ordered) me to take some time off. He saw the stress in me. He gave me sound advice that no-one is indispensable, and that Elizabeth (a colleague) could fill in for me. This was a great learning experience, as was him checking in with me during my absence. My task was to deal with my mental health for my, my family’s, and my colleagues’ benefit. Through checking in while I was at home, my CEO ensured we had conversations for progress and the completion of that getting-well task.
Travelling with another in conversation
In Question Set 5 (Article 11), I suggested checking in at the beginning, during, end, and at some point after a meeting.
In counselling and coaching, checking in with a client regarding how the conversation is going is a recommended practice. This signals that we are valuing them. It is as simple as asking:
We cannot cover their concerns if we are not listening to them.
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The same principle applies in conversation for progress and completion, with the goal being an outcome that is satisfactory for all participants.
Exercise 56: Checking in
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Speak soon in Article 20: Conversations Resulting From Assessments of a Task
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Previous articles:
Article 1: Your Way of Being and Conversational Interplay
Article 2: Taking care of our and others’ concerns
Article 3: Your Listening and Speaking from your Listening; and Linguistic Acts
Article 4: Linguistic Acts: Facts or opinions, and Testing your Opinions
Article 5: Linguistic Acts: Declarations, Promises, and Requests
Article 6: “Breakdowns” in our lives
Article 7: Your Moods and Emotions: your greatest teachers
Article 8: Your body’s role in your conversations
Article 9: The role of your scripts in your conversations
Article 10 Your Enemies and Allies of Learning
Article 11: Your Conversational Interplay (a recap) and Conversation Enhancers, including for Meetings
Article 12:? Our Conversations are the Foundation of our Family and Work Cultures
Article 13: Questions for Self-Coaching using Ontological Terms and Concepts
Article 14: The Power of Naming Our Conversations
Article 15: Conversations for Clarity
Article 16: Conversations for Stories and Personal Opinions
Article 17 Conversation for Possible Actions (Speculative Conversations)
Article 18: Conversations for Commitment to Action
Footnotes:
[1] Adapting the wording of the Montessori education value, ‘Help Me to Help Myself’. Our four children attended a Montessori primary school.
[2] A declaration made famous by Sergeant Schultz in the TV series Hogan's Heroes (1965–1971).
[3] I set out the 13 tips for mental health here, as I think the webpage has been deleted: Seek support, it’s OK not to feel OK … Follow the facts, pause the scrolling … Talk, don’t just type … Routine helps, create a new daily routine … Take a break. … Helpers need help too … Reach out to those who may not have connections … Stay connected, get creative in the ways you connect … Get sweaty, exercise is great for your mental health … Check in and be kind to yourself … Keep kids communicating, let children know it is OK to be worried, and talk it out … Financial stress is real, talk about it … Play your part.