Article 12: Breaking Gender Norms & Shattering the Glass Ceiling

I want to tell you a story. It is about a couple. For the sake of the story, let's call them Dan & Lauren.

When they met, Dan was getting ready to move across the country and Lauren was having the time of her life as a single woman. Their initial encounter happened by accident on Dan's scouting trip to see where he wanted to live.

At the time there was no set time frame for him to move. As he got to spend more and more time speaking to Lauren, he pushed the timeline for the move up not being able to bare the thought of being away from her any longer than he had to... even though they hadn't even gone on their first date. Due to the rush Dan accepted temporary housing instead of a long term lease.

Pretty soon Dan was on a drive out west. The day he arrived, Dan & Lauren had their first date. They knew something special was there. A few days later, Lauren had to have a procedure and Dan agreed to stay on her downstairs couch to take care of her. During his time away from the temporary housing, Dan was informed the housing had been sold and he had to leave.

With no prospects and only a part time job, Lauren allowed Dan to live with her until he found something of his own. After 8 months they went to live in different apartments.

Over the next few years, Lauren stood by Dan as he had a rough time adjusting to life away from the security of his family and friends. She was understanding as he switched from job to job trying to find his niche. She was patient as they realized Dan had gotten into bad habits due to what they both agreed was a 'privileged' upbringing.

Four years later, Lauren & Dan moved in together for good and promptly got a golden retriever. A year later, they rescued a Jack Russell Terrier. Two years after that, Dan proposed and 14 months later they got married in Maui.

Dan & Lauren did not and do not have a traditional hetero-normative relationship. For one, Lauren wanted to keep her last name and have their future children hyphenate theirs. Dan had no problem with that. Lauren & Dan came from different religious backgrounds. They decided together that they would raise their children with knowledge and tolerance of all religions.

At the wedding, it was Dan that started balling when he first saw Lauren in her wedding dress, Lauren laughed at Dan.

Lauren was the one that had the constant job, she was the breadwinner. Dan never had an issue. While Lauren did most of the cooking, that was mostly due to Dan's cooking being inedible...Dan did the cleaning. Lauren was the one most into politics and had to explain a lot of the different policies that they had to vote on.

When the pandemic hit and Dan was put out of work, he became a stay at home dad. Dan was the one better able to express his emotions. Lauren was more introverted and kept how she felt private, with the exception of a select few.

All major decisions were decided on by both of them.

That leads us to now. As you may have guessed, that story is about my relationship with my wife. The reason I am telling it, is not because I am infatuated with talking about myself. It's because as a society there is still this stigma that a husband and wife have to assume specific roles in their relationship and there isn't any flexibility.

The problem is these 'gender rules,' are outdated and were created hundreds of years ago at a time that has no relevance to now. When those gender rules were instituted I can imagine the only reasoning behind it was 'man strong, rule the house.' Without the knowledge of how little education people had at the time, my immediate response would be, 'WTF?!?!?!'

I think a major lesson could be learned from looking at the example set by the LGBTQ community. In their community each member of the partnership creates value by doing what they want to do instead of societal norms.

With how inundated with divorces, people being treated for anxiety and depression, we are not in a position to be making a man feel bad if he wants to cook or a woman for getting together with her friends to play cards or have a drink.

We are past the point that guys should feel inferior if their spouse is making more money than they are or guilty if he wants to watch a Hallmark Christmas movie marathon(That's me and I OWN IT) while she watches the Walking Dead.

I don't have the statistics, but imagine how much happier people would be if they could just be themselves and be loved and respected for it?

Here is a fact. My wife is my hero. She is the strongest, smartest most amazing woman I have and will ever know. I could care less if she makes a million dollars and I'm making $60,000. I could care less if she wants to go on a girls trip with her friends, I trust her. If she wants to get into a political debate with someone, I have no inclination to get involved because she can take care of herself and will me for help when and if she needs it.

Chivalry is one thing, that isn't dead..but taking over for the sake of proving your dominance is another and to me its a perfect example of forced control and nothing more.

If the last four years should have taught us anything, it is that they can no longer be a glass ceiling or sticky floor in ANY AREA of life...and if you see one...it's time to SHATTER it.