The Art of War

 CONFLICT RESOLUTION STRATEGIES FOR LEADERS

17 April 1986 - The world's longest war ends without a single shot having been fired. The state of war between The Netherlands and the Isles of Scilly (located off the southwest coast of Great Britain) had been extended for a total of 335 years and 18 days, by the lack of a peace treaty. Its existence is however disputed. Despite the uncertain validity of the declaration of war, and thus uncertainty about whether or not a state of war ever actually existed, peace was finally declared in 1986, bringing an end to any hypothetical war that may have been legally considered to exist.

This reminds me of several heated arguments I’ve had with my wife (a lovely German lady) in the early years of our marriage. You’re angry, but end up not even being sure why/how the disagreement ever started. Ogden Nash’s poetic wisdom helped us in this regard: “To keep your marriage brimming with love in the loving cup - whenever you’re wrong, admit it, whenever you’re right, shut up.”

Conflict however, also often occurs in the workplace. Is it healthy? Absolutely. It’s a normal part of any healthy working relationship. After all, two people can’t be expected to agree on everything, all the time. The key is not to avoid conflict, but to learn how to resolve it in a healthy way. If managed well, it promotes growth, stimulates innovation and establishes trust. 

Conflict is often a necessary step forward

That conflict exists within an organisation is not the issue, but having an effective conflict resolution strategy to resolve that conflict if it begins to influence the business negatively, is crucial for any leader. While conflict can be a creative fuel that helps teams compete and work more productively, it can also easily blow up and bring everything to a dead stop. But how do you defuse a situation that is lit by anger and other emotions that are not responsive to rational engagement? It’s not easy, but there are ways. 

Craig Runde and Tim Flanagan wrote in their book, Developing Your Conflict Competence: “The better able team members are to engage, speak, listen, hear, interpret, and respond constructively, the more likely their teams are to leverage conflict rather than be levelled by it.”

Clear communication

Lack of clear and concise communication can often lead to misunderstandings. The tone - not what is being communicated, but how, is just as important. Your ability to accurately read another person depends on your own emotional awareness. The more aware you are of your own emotions, the easier it will be for you to pick up on the wordless clues that reveal what others are feeling. Think about what you are transmitting to others during conflict, and if what you say matches your body language. If you say “I’m fine,” but you clench your teeth and look away, then your body is clearly signalling you are anything but “fine.” A calm tone of voice, or an interested facial expression can go a long way toward relaxing a tense exchange.

"Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak. Courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen." – Winston Churchill

Separating emotions from conflict

It is wise for all parties to the conflict to attempt to separate their emotions from their reasoning. Play the ball, not the man. Then agree on these rules:

• Listening to others’ points of view
• Knowing what the facts of the situation are
• Find mutual ground/common goals
• Exploring options together, which may require brainstorming

When everyone makes the effort to separate emotions from the solution process, there’s more of a sense that “We’re all in this together,” and there’s a better chance that a workable solution will be created.

"Every person in this life has something to teach me - and as soon as I accept that, I open myself to truly listening." – Catherine Doucette

Know your boundaries and respect differences

Know thyself to better understand others. Glenn Llopis, author and leadership development expert, is of the opinion that you must know the risks and rewards of conflict resolution within the boundaries of each of your employees. Help others know when they tend to cross the line through careful observation; identify behavioural tendencies that seem to trigger certain attitudes, provoke mindset shifts, or demonstrate a lack of self-awareness. This can be accomplished with consistent coaching sessions where you can begin to set precedence and reinforce performance expectations for each of your team members. This not only allows you to identity their conflict boundaries, but more importantly to establish standards that will help prevent unnecessary conflict from arising.

Leaders who actively engage in coaching and learning about those on his/her team will find themselves dealing with much less conflict. 

The new workplace represents a growing diversity in the types of people that we lead; you must get to know who they are if you want to understand how they will influence the ecosystem you are trying to create.

Rather than impose your influence, hierarchy or rank - respect the unique differences in people and learn to see things from differing points of view. Common sense tells us that we are most comfortable dealing with those we trust and naturally gravitate towards. As leaders, we must see that each employee represents a unique opportunity for professional growth and development. Let’s face it, business is all about people intelligence, and until we accept this fact, we will continue to unknowingly create tension with those employees we are not comfortable with - and undervalue their contributions in the process.

"In some ways, we will always be different. In other ways, we will always be the same. There is always room to disagree and blame, just as there is always room to take a new perspective and empathise. Understanding is a choice." – Vironika Tugaleva

Humour goes a long way

You can avoid many confrontations and resolve arguments and disagreements by communicating in a humorous way. Humour can help you say things that might otherwise be difficult to express without offending someone. However, it’s important that you laugh with the other person, not at them. When humour and play are used to reduce tension and anger, reframe problems, and put the situation into perspective, the conflict can actually become an opportunity for greater connection. Also be willing to laugh at yourself.

“The pen is mightier than the sword if the sword is very short, and the pen is very sharp.” – Terry Pratchett

The best leaders in the world are masterful negotiators. Growing in the craft of conflict resolution would add to your leadership arsenal and when wisely applied, optimise the functioning of your team, and fuel the growth of your organisation.

Let's continue learning together.