The Art of Wanting What You Have

Our definition of success is often a moving goalpost. We set a milestone we hope to achieve, and we work and work until we get there. But once we do, we move the goalpost further back and set a new goal. In certain circumstances, this isn’t a bad thing. It can look like setting small goals to work toward a bigger goal, making that bigger goal more attainable. But this strategy changes from innocent and effective to damaging and delusional when it’s fueled by an insatiable desire for more, more, more.

In my own life, I am guilty of moving the goalpost on myself on more than one occasion. I have done this in my career, believing a certain number of years in business or a certain income level would surely deliver happiness, security, and recognition. Yet, often without even noticing when I run past that goal post, my world feels oddly the same. Okay, I just need to make the goal bigger, push back the goalpost, and work even harder to get there, I would think. Pure contentment is just over the hill, but it’s a hill on a treadmill where the belt cycles around and around, never getting you any closer to the mirage of success you’ve created.

What needed to change for me was not the goal or my method for reaching the goal, but my mindset around why I felt the need to achieve such a goal to begin with. When we fail to appreciate and celebrate all that is good, beautiful, and joy-giving in our daily lives, we will become focused on distant goals as the ultimate point of happiness, fully missing out on what we have in the here and now. This is where paramount mindset shifts need to take place, and when it does, you can truly and fully start embodying your life today. I realize that’s quite a grandiose statement! Roll your eyes if you must, but please hear me out.

Changing your belief from “I need to have what I want” to “I want what I already have” will give you unparalleled freedom to love the current state of your life without some looming, off-in-the-future goal holding your happiness hostage. You get to say, “I don’t want or need more to be satisfied. I am satisfied by using what I have to live the best life possible – today.”

I’m 13+ years into building my Public Relations business, and I still don’t have it all figured out. Not even close. I have more examples of what I know doesn’t work and what doesn’t deliver happiness, than I do the converse. That’s why this mindset shift is so powerful in helping you to embrace immediate happiness. You don’t have to know everything or anything, about the best goal for business growth, the next milestone to secure relationship happiness, or the secret code to mental peace and freedom. When you choose to want (and appreciate) what you have in this moment, life becomes like a scavenger hunt for daily blessings.

I understand that this is easy to embrace from a place of abundance. When life feels “good” and things are going your way, the temptation to compare and want more is less intrusive on our minds. This mindset shift takes time and practice, and you won’t always get it right. But learning to want, use, and appreciate what you have is time far better spent than any effort put into manufacturing goals that aim to satisfy society’s definition of success.

Does this all still sound a bit abstract? Let me color some examples of how this could play out in your own life…

• When you feel like you don’t make enough money…look at the non-monetary benefits your job provides. A flexible schedule, health benefits, ample vacation time, and a passion for what you do hold significant, intangible value! If your current work situation gives you any or all of these, be sure you’re appreciating each one fully. Switching jobs or working harder to make more money is tempting, but it can throw these other things off balance.
• When you feel like you don’t have nice things…question what’s “not nice enough” about them. Push back on society’s beliefs and standards that everything has to be big, new, shiny, and expensive. I have had seasons of wanting (and having) any material thing my heart could desire, and it never moved the needle on my happiness. In fact, thinking these things would make me happier, obtaining them, and finding out they did not, actually made me feel worse. I don’t recommend trying it. Take my word for it and save yourself an expensive lesson.
• When you feel like you can’t be as generous as you’d like…view generosity from a different lens. Money is such a small measuring stick. You can be generous with your time and talents, and this is far more impactful than just writing a check. If the desire to be philanthropic is tied to receiving recognition for that philanthropy, well then that’s your answer of what you really need to work on.
• When you feel like you can give your kids everything they want…talk to them about it! I assure you they don’t see your shortcomings in the same way you do. Out of principle, we don’t give our kids everything they want or even what we could give them. Amazingly, this discipline has bred discipline in their own view of spending and wanting. It’s not an easy path, and expect to be met with resistance (and some great counterarguments), but with consistency, not giving your kids everything they want is the best thing you can do for them.
• When you feel like you have to say no to a lot of things…focus on what saying no allows you to say yes to. Every action has a reaction. When you say yes to one thing, you will have to say no to another. Setting big goals and conforming to society’s view of success will also force you to say no to things, likely more important things. Instead, focus on how the discipline of needing to say no to certain things in order to live within your means is enabling you to invest your time into non-material things that will matter so much more in the long run.

What would it look like in your life to shift your mindset from needing to have what you want, to wanting what you have? Or maybe you’re already in the transition to this new mindset. I’d love to hear more about your personal experience, what led you to where you are now, and what you might be working on to get there.

Let’s start a discussion in the comments!

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