The Art and Science of Communication

Here goes. My first LinkedIn article! I feel like an author, sitting at my desk, tapping away at my laptop's keyboard.

Everywhere we look, we are being exposed to massive amounts of information through social media, billboards, news outlets, magazines etc etc. We have probably all seen the statistics around how much information we are taking in every day so I won't bore you but sometimes I think my brain is now full and for me to remember anything else, I need to forget something thats taking up space!

In addition to all the 'noise' of life, we are having conversations where there is an exchange of words. We are told that on average, we speak 7,000 words a day* although I thought women needed to speak about 30,000. At least, thats my experience, please don't cancel me! And so we have this constant exchange of information, of thoughts, opinions, arguments and debates. Tone of voice, nuance, cadence, volume and pitch all say something in addition to the actual words. On top of all the audible communication, we are told by the experts that the majority of communication is NON verbal and so we are constantly observing actions and what they communicate to us. It could be something as simple as not having eye contact, rolling ones eyes or folding ones arms. It can be overwhelming.

Over time of course, we pick up social cues, etiquette, coping mechanisms etc that help us navigate difficult people in our lives, work colleagues, family members or our spouse's friend! And even then, we still have those people who we just don't 'get'. In your head, the words coming out of your mouth are clear as a mountain spring but to the other person, they seem to be about as clear as my teenagers bath water! What's that all about?

I have titled this article 'The Art and Science of Communication' because the reality is that there are skills we pick up on the journey of life, almost by osmosis (the art) and then there are communication classes we can attend that teach specific skills to help us navigate the complexities I have already mentioned (the science). Peter Drucker, that management guru of note, says that 80% of management failure is caused by faulty communication. Most people leave jobs, not because they are underpaid but because they don't feel understood, or valued or because the environment is toxic. It's also the leading cause of relationship breakdown. So this communication puzzle piece, is a really important one. The ramifications of consistently getting it wrong could be a failed marriage, it could be walking away from that 'job for life'. I hate to be dramatic but it could lead to a war. As we observe the world around us with the numerous potential catastrophes in the making, the art of communication is ever more important. Is it too strong to say that good, effective communication could determine life or death?

So with all that I have highlighted being quite negative, what's the answer? (And this is not a sales pitch, unless you want it to be!??) Well, what you could do is spend inordinate amounts of time, trying to change those question marks around the disconnect, into 'aha' moments but that's like throwing darts in the dark wearing a blindfold. Advice like 'Listen to understand, not reply' or 'the goal of communication is not agreement, it's understanding' is absolutely true and good BUT it still falls short of the skills necessary for the relational challenges we face by a long way.

4 years ago, my wife and I were introduced to Life Languages?. A character-based communication IQ system for Life and Business (That's the official blurb). Honestly, it changed our lives. It was a tool in our hands that enabled us to adapt quickly to the different ways we communicate. It's called Life Languages because it looks at our preferred communication styles (Languages). It is a diagnostic tool. Each 'language' has a specific filter question through which we 'filter' all incoming and outgoing communication, a very specific need that we need others to meet for us, a unique driving or 'life-giving passion' that needs to be lived out and a main character strength that people have probably recognised in us from early childhood. Thats the positive. We also have predictable signs of distress for each of the 7 languages that show up as distressed or negative character.

When I say it has transformed our lives, that is not an exaggeration. I have learnt that my wife needs me to support the plans she makes (I really hate plans!). I know my son needs personal space to process his many deep thoughts and I also know why my other son is really direct (maybe blunt is a better word?). My daughter, she just wants to know that people care about her on an emotional level. Knowing those seemingly small things have made big impacts on our family life.

In the corporate world, it's just as important to be aware of the way your boss or your employees like to communicate. When the boss barks short instructions and expects high standards and immediate responses, that is a problem for the employee who needs to think things through before knowing what action they need to take or how to respond.. And you would definitely not want to put a Shaper? in a role under a leader who cannot lead well, or where there is no need for strategic thinking or planning.

So this is the science, a profiling tool that doesn't box you in, that looks at preferences and gives practical ways to bring connection and avoid the disconnect. And of course, if or when there is conflict, there are prescribed steps to bring resolution and re-establish connection.

If you want to know more about this incredible tool and how it can help you in your personal and professional environment, please connect with me and we can provide a solution that fits your requirements.

Thanks for reading!

*(https://www.dhirubhai.net/business/learning/blog/career-success-tips/you-speak-at-least-7-000-words-a-day-here-s-how-to-make-them#:~:text=Research%20shows%20the%20average%20person,you%20–%20and%20largely%20define%20you.)