The Art & Science of Asking Questions

Have you ever thought about the questions we ask each other?

Asking and answering questions is something we do all the time, naturally.

But have you really given it a second thought before?

In my International English Mastermind email, which has become this newsletter, I always provide questions for discussion. This week, I want you to think about the questions that we ask.

Let's look at different contexts where we can ask questions.

Job interviews:

I work with job interviewees and interviewers, so I'm very interested in the types of questions that people ask in these situations and the best way to answer them.

I won't go into too much detail now, because that's not the purpose of this session, but there's an excellent resource on job interview questions on the The Muse: Guide to the Most Common Interview Questions and Answers

Group discussions or meetings

Questions are also key to the discussions in my English group. I use them to stimulate conversation, get people involved in the conversation, and challenge them to express their opinions. It’s another reason why this is a very interesting topic for me.

In this podcast episode from the Harvard Business Review that I was listening to this morning, the speakers discuss:

• The significance of ordering questions - whether we start gradually and build up rapport or go straight in with hard-hitting questions
• The importance of pre-empting the questions we might be asked and preparing for them.*?
• What to do when asked a question that you don't know the answer to.
• What to do when you don’t want to answer a question.?
• Their research showed that refusing to answer a question was usually perceived in a more negative way than giving an answer which is unflattering to yourself.
• The use of follow-up questions is powerful - it shows that we're taking an interest in the speaker. It shows that we have been listening and we're interested in learning more.

As the group has grown in recent weeks, we've been using breakout rooms, so the participants are now focusing more than ever on asking good questions rather than just answering them.

Self-talk questions:

There are questions that we ask ourselves, and they have a big impact on how we feel, what we do, and what we ultimately become. They can help define who we are.

This is a concept I first came across while reading Tony Robbins' "Awaken the Giant Within," where he highlights the difference between asking useful questions (i.e., questions that serve us) and questions that only lead us to become more frustrated.

An example could be if somebody cheated you in business. You could ask the question: "How could he do this to me? How dare she?" But these questions will only wind you up even further.

He goes on to say that there are empowering questions. He asked himself,?

"What do I respect about this guy?" and his brain immediately shouted back,?

"Nothing."?

But then he asked,?

"What could I respect about this guy?" and he came up with,?

"Well, at least he's being proactive, taking action, and putting into use some of the things that I taught."?

Immediately, this answer allowed him to relax and change the way he was looking at things.?

It didn't change the fact that he had been cheated, but it changed his whole mental state and the way he was going to approach moving forward.

So what do you think??

Are you aware of the questions you ask as well as the questions you are being asked??

In this week's discussion, we'll be talking about questions and all the questions that I have brought up here.

What's the biggest question you want to ask me??

What questions would you like to ask other people in the group?

And how could you improve the quality of the questions you ask yourself?

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Vocabulary

To "wind up someone / wind someone up" is an idiom that means to make someone feel agitated, irritated, or upset. It implies that something or someone is causing emotional distress or provoking negative emotions.

To "go straight in" means to approach or tackle a situation directly and immediately, without any hesitation or delay. It refers to taking direct action or addressing something without wasting time or going through unnecessary steps.

"Unflattering" refers to something that presents a negative or unfavourable image or portrayal of someone or something. It describes something that doesn't show someone or something in a positive or attractive light.??

Notes

* One client recently told me how she had an important meeting with her big boss. By visualising the kinds of questions that she would be asked, she was able to predict and confidently answer the questions when they came up in the actual meeting.