The Art of saying 'No'

Another write up...it got me thinking when a friend called me to discuss possible ‘excuses’ she could make to wriggle out of a commitment/meeting!

With our ever-connected social and digital lives, opportunities to please people's each and every whim looms on every back-lit screen. All it takes is one beep, ding, ping, alert, or ringtone to outflank our productivity. Emails, instant messages, Facebook, texts, calls, Tweets. The list is never ending.

So, here’s the question…how many of us are unable to say ‘NO’ and in turn feel exhausted, stressed and irritable?

It could be undermining any efforts we make to improve our quality of life if we spend hours worrying over how to get out of an already-promised commitment. If our spare time is taken up with committee meetings and myriad other engagements, our family may be suffering.

Sharing with you some of my mantras of saying NO or rather ‘the Art of saying No’ :-)!

• Be true to yourself. Be clear and honest with yourself about what you truly want. Get to know yourself better and examine what you really want from life.
• Buy yourself some time. You can interrupt the ‘yes’ cycle, using phrases like “I’ll get back to you,” and then consider your options. Having thought it through at your leisure, you’ll be able to say no with greater confidence.
• Keep your response simple. If you want to say no, be firm and direct. Use phrases such as “Thanks for coming to me but I’m afraid it’s not convenient right now” or “I’m sorry but I can’t help this evening.” Try to be strong in your body language and don’t over-apologise. Remember, you’re not asking permission to say no.
• Distinguish refusal from rejection. Remember you’re turning down a request, not a person. People usually will understand that it is your right to say no, just as it is their right to ask the favour.
• Be Appreciative. It's almost never an insult when people make requests of you. They're asking for your help because they trust you and they believe in your capabilities to help. So thank them for thinking of you or making the request/invitation. Don't worry; this doesn't need to lead to a yes.
• Be as Resolute as They are Pushy. Some people don't give up easily. That's their prerogative. But without violating any of the rules above, give yourself permission to be just as pushy as they are. They'll respect you for it. You can make light of it if you want ("I know you don't give up easily - but neither do I. I'm getting better at saying no.")
• Establish a Pre-Emptive No. We all have certain people in our lives who tend to make repeated, sometimes burdensome requests of us. In those cases, it's better to say no before the request even comes in. Let that person know that you're hyper-focused on a couple of things in your life and trying to reduce your obligations in all other areas. If it's your boss who tends to make the requests, agree upfront with her about where you should be spending your time. Then, when the requests come in, you can refer to your earlier conversation.
• Be Prepared to Miss Out.Some of us have a hard time saying no because we hate to miss an opportunity. And saying no always leads to a missed opportunity. But it's not just a missed opportunity; it's a trade-off. Remind yourself that when you're saying no to the request, you are simultaneously saying yes to something you value more than the request. Both are opportunities. You're just choosing one over the other.

Lets not wait until our energy runs out before we take a much needed step back to assess the situation...Wishing you all a great time because every time you say NO to people and things which stress you out, it means you are saying a Yes to Happiness!