The Art of Saying “Noâ€
David Savage
Coach ? Founder at Manufacturing with Purpose ? Helping people to thrive and be more effective!
As a father of 4, manager of a team of 30, charity fundraiser and generally “up for most things†my timetable was fairly packed – and to be honest I quite liked it being like that! Usually my wife was (and is) my “reality check†that I have too much on my plate and that I need to say “noâ€.
Why was I so bad at saying this short but powerful word “no� Can you help do this? Would you like to take on this project? Can you come out tonight? I again found myself saying “yes†and feeling the immediate sheepish sense of “I probably should have said no†and then the longer term sense of overwhelm and dissatisfaction.
Digging into my own psychology I am now more aware of the inner tug-of-war that happens when I encounter a request. Part of me is holding up the value of “serviceâ€. I love “can-do†people who volunteers and are a friend in need. Of course I would want to be this for others so off I charge as a knight in shining armour. In addition, as someone who is more of a “initiator†I like all things new and have a bias to explore the unknown, be the early adopter. On the other hand, I also know I have personal goals which, by saying “yes†will now be neglected and loved ones who I will have less time with.
To every “yes†there is also a “noâ€. By saying “yes†to taking on a new project I am also saying “no†to completing the current project. We come back again to conscious decision making and personal leadership. Are we choosing what we want mindfully or are we following the inertia of what has led us to where we are now? Or as Greg McKeown writes in Essentialism:
The way of the Essentialist means living by design, not by default. Instead of making choices reactively, the Essentialist deliberately distinguishes the vital few from the trivial many, eliminates the non-essentials, and then removes obstacles so the essential things have clear, smooth passage.
If you have read this far you have invested in your personal development and I would challenge you to move from words on a screen to application in real life. The next time you feel a grumpy about having to say “no†start looking at what you are actually saying “yes†to. Savour the thing you are choosing and remember why this is a fantastic investment. Consistent focus over time brings results – and, in the words of Napoleon Hill,
There is nothing that belief plus a burning desire cannot make real.
Lean Consulting | Operational Excellence | Performance Improvement Coaching | Leadership Coaching
3 å¹´Nice one mate! People think it's impossible but rather it's critical and it shows you respect them as much as yourself.
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3 å¹´Beautifully written and so true.
★ Consultant Radiologist ★ Director Revise Radiology ★ Productivity Coach ★ Property Investor ★
3 å¹´Really looking forward to this session David Savage . So important to learn to say no enough ??
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3 å¹´Excellent reflection. There is a fundamental pre-requisite here for individuals, groups/teams and organisations The way of the Essentialist means living by design, not by default. Instead of making choices reactively, the Essentialist deliberately distinguishes the vital few from the trivial many, eliminates the non-essentials, and then removes obstacles so the essential things have clear, smooth passage. It requires CLARITY on the VITAL FEW! Alas, when entertaining the concept of the vital few most people default to results or actions and forget about some of the deeper elements of values and purpose.