The Art of Rejection: Coping With Disappointment

Every day as a recruiter, I have doors closed on me. If you didn’t know, my job involves hunting for business – like any business out there, we must sell our services to companies. They have to trust us to help them find the right people. And daily, the door is closed in my face. Phrases like “Sorry, we already have agencies,” “We have a preferred supplier list,” or “We don’t use agencies” are said to me 10 times a day. Some of us try our best to fight it and have a wealth of methodologies to deal with rejection. We see candidates being rejected by clients daily, for all sorts of reasons. And we must see around 98% of the candidates at any one time in front of us rejected.

So, dealing with rejection for us recruiters is literally the No.1 part of the job. That much negativity is really hard to deal with most of the time. We go home with heavy hearts, and we have to wake up the next day and shake it off, starting again. I'll be honest; a lot of people don’t last in this world. Negativity doesn’t stop at clients and candidates – it can happen internally too. So, you have to develop coping mechanisms or methodologies for fighting the negativity of rejection. I thought I'd give you an insight into how we in the recruitment industry deal with rejection and how we move forward.

Rejection isn't personal, but you have to accept it.

It really feels like it, especially if you are dating someone or going through a breakup – it can be extremely personal. But in business, it's not. They don’t know you, they don’t owe you, and they don’t have to work with you or hire you, etc. What they have are criteria, and they are trying to fit as much as they can into them. And that’s the be-all and end-all of being rejected.

I put this first because we all need to understand that this part of the recruitment process – being rejected – feels so personal. You blame yourself, feel angry and let down, and process it hurts. It’s not you, it’s them. The better person, however, in this situation is you, and all you have to do is say “OK, time to move on.”

NEVER get angry (Or try not to for long).

Rejection will make you angry, confused, and upset. But that anger makes you dwell deep on the thought of rejection. Go for a walk, play video games, go to the gym – or take that anger and keep moving forward with your job application or business direction. Not all rejections are the same. You can quickly move on from some stuff, and others linger for weeks. I still feel the hurt of being rejected from a job I wanted 15 years ago. But let’s look at life like this: if I had gotten it, would you be here reading this now? Helping you understand your rejection? All rejection isn’t the same, but all rejection moves us in a new direction. That I find exciting.

More rejections actually help you move forward quicker.

People see multiple rejections as a weakness in them; we recruiters see multiple rejections as “what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger” – we take each one and move on quicker each time. Till the point it doesn’t even lift an eyebrow. Now, I am not saying you need to be rejected a million times in your life. But what I am saying is, don’t carry each rejection with you, like a weight around your shoulders. Take each rejection as a lesson and help you process. Each rejection IS a lesson; you need to look inward, as well as outward. Healthily question where it went wrong and honestly reflect on what happened. If you can get feedback, it will help you a bit more – but 90% of rejection lessons can be found from within us. I was talking to a candidate once who did well at the interview but was rejected on the last hurdle. “Where did you feel you went wrong?” I said to them. “I don’t think I asked enough questions,” they said. “That is exactly the feedback. They felt you didn’t have enough questions and thought the other candidate was more engaged,” I replied. This candidate's next interview with me had all the questions in front of them, and they aced it. But he knew that somewhere inside him, where he went wrong. And you don’t have to be self-critical to the point of flogging yourself in public. Be kind to yourself and reflect – and learn. Don’t overthink it; there is no conspiracy.

BIGGEST LESSON FOR ME – Rejection is Normal.

Out in the nightclubs, going over to the pretty girls, asking if I can buy them a drink, this fuddly-looking Welshman with one too many ugly branches hitting him along the way – would take rejection really badly. “Doesn’t anyone want me?” I would say to friends, who wouldn’t really care. Because nobody wants to hear your bad luck with life. Why? Because we all have our own bad luck to deal with. It’s normal. A part of life. And we have to accept that, as much as you breathe the air around you. Also, without rejection, we wouldn’t be here today. Seriously. Here is an article about famous people being rejected tons of times before even getting a tiny bit of their future - [link]

Rejection always leads to hope.

Not many people know this about me: I am actually “optimistically pessimistic,” which sounds like a contradiction – but it's fancy for saying “prepare for the worst, but hope for the best” – recruitment has admittedly made me like this – it keeps me agile, keeps me moving forward, and helps me enjoy wins when they happen – because life is about the wins – and celebrating the little things that happen. The cliché of one door closing, the other opens – is still a reality. But in the midst of rejection in your head and heart – you miss the doors opening and blame all around you.

In conclusion

when seeking something like a job, love, or friendship – we believe in ourselves and hope others see the advantage of being around us or hiring us. It's horrid to think we are not wanted. Life is difficult as it is to live without rejection. But rejection is a byproduct of life; we can't all be actors, singers, TikTokers, or design engineers at that company that just rejected you. Some of us have to be let down. And that is a fact of life. Please, though, in all of what I said, promise me you talk to someone and vent as well – not all of us can deal with rejection all the time. And I get that. We’re not all recruiters seeing this every day. I will be honest – I still have days where I have to walk away. I have cried with candidates; I have been affected by candidates’ stories and not slept at night. I have failed hundreds of times in jobs and been let go – because the world kept saying no. I have had my days. You are only human, so don’t bottle it, if you can’t move forward. Reach out to the people who can guide you through it – check out the SAMARITANS if you are in the UK. LINK TO WEBSITE

Never lose hope. Be kind to yourself, and take regular breaks.

It’s not you, it’s them. Look after your mental health in job hunting. TAKE BREAKS. Talk to people. KEEP LEARNING.

YOU’VE GOT THIS!

Please feel free to follow me, I don't always just talk about recruitment, I try to tackle life problems with a bit of comedy and honesty, via the medium of video, writing, podcasts and any other medium.

My goal is not to only raise the standard of the recruitment industry, but also to grow an honest approachable business, helping businesses and people find the right direction in their careers.

I am an Engineering/Manufacturing recruiter, based in Tamworth UK, covering the UK SME market. My company is called Thomas Lee Recruitment - I am Mark.

Thank you for reading!