The Art of Presiding Over Your Life: A Judge’s Perspective

Life often mirrors a courtroom, where every day brings new challenges, decisions, and opportunities. Just as a judge presides over a trial—making decisions that determine outcomes, settle disputes, and uphold justice—we too are responsible for presiding over our own lives with confidence, clarity, and authority.

As someone who has spent years navigating the courtroom, I’ve found that the principles of fairness, balance, and decision-making I used as a judge are invaluable when applied to our personal and professional lives. In this article, I’ll take you through the art of presiding over your life, offering practical wisdom inspired by my years on the bench, as well as insights from thought leaders like Brené Brown , James Clear , and Simon Sinek . This perspective will empower you to steer your life with purpose and take full control of your destiny.

The Power of Authority: Presiding with Confidence

One of the key elements of being a judge is understanding the power of authority—not just the power that comes from a title, but the power to make decisions that shape outcomes. In life, we all have the power to preside over our circumstances. However, many of us relinquish that authority by becoming passive spectators rather than active participants.

Take Ownership of Your Decisions

Just as a judge listens carefully to all the facts before making a ruling, we too must take the time to gather information and consider all angles before making decisions in life. Often, we face situations where the outcome seems uncertain, but the key is to own the decisions we make—whether they’re right or wrong. Taking ownership of your decisions leads to growth, and over time, this builds confidence.

Brené Brown, a renowned expert on vulnerability and leadership, reminds us that “vulnerability is not winning or losing; it’s having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome.” This is crucial when presiding over your life: accept the fact that not all decisions will lead to instant success, but every decision has the potential for growth.

Actionable Tip: When facing a difficult decision, ask yourself: “What are the facts? How do my values align with this choice?” By centering your decisions around your values and the information available, you’ll make thoughtful, intentional choices.

Building Resilience: Navigating Life’s Trials

In the courtroom, not every trial ends the way we expect, and life is no different. We encounter setbacks, failures, and unexpected challenges. However, it is through these trials that we build resilience—a key quality for anyone presiding over their life.

Embrace a Growth Mindset

Carol Dweck , a leading researcher in motivation, has popularized the concept of the growth mindset—the belief that abilities and intelligence can be developed through dedication and hard work. I’ve seen this mindset in action time and time again, both in the courtroom and in life.

In moments of defeat or failure, it’s easy to feel disheartened. But when you adopt a growth mindset, you shift your perspective from seeing setbacks as failures to viewing them as opportunities to learn and grow. James Clear, the author of Atomic Habits, explains that “habits are the compound interest of self-improvement.” Each time you face adversity with resilience and intentionality, you build the strength to overcome future challenges.

Actionable Tip: The next time you face adversity, ask yourself: “What lesson can I learn from this situation? How can I use this experience to grow?” By framing challenges as opportunities for development, you transform failure into growth.

Establishing Healthy Boundaries: The Key to Balance

In the legal system, boundaries are essential. Laws exist to provide structure, protect rights, and ensure fairness. In our personal lives, boundaries are equally important—they allow us to protect our energy, focus on what matters, and maintain balance.

Setting Boundaries with Intention

As a judge, I had to ensure that the courtroom remained a place of respect and order. Similarly, in life, boundaries help us establish a sense of control over our time, relationships, and energy. Without boundaries, we risk overextending ourselves and burning out.

Henry Cloud , author of Boundaries, explains that “setting boundaries is not about being mean. It’s about being clear.” The clearer we are about what we will and won’t allow into our lives, the more empowered we become to preside over our own well-being.

Actionable Tip: Identify one area of your life where you feel overextended—whether it’s work, personal commitments, or relationships. Set a clear boundary around that area by deciding how much time, energy, or emotion you’re willing to invest. Communicate this boundary with clarity and kindness to those involved.

Intentional Leadership: Lead Yourself First

As a judge, leadership wasn’t about control—it was about guiding the process with fairness and wisdom. Similarly, in life, leadership starts with leading ourselves. Before we can effectively lead others, we must master the art of self-leadership.

Leading with Purpose

Simon Sinek, author of Start with Why, teaches that leaders who understand their purpose—their why—are more successful in inspiring and leading others. This concept applies not just to leadership in the workplace, but also to how we lead our own lives.

When you have a clear sense of purpose, every decision becomes easier. You stop being reactive and start being proactive. This shift allows you to preside over your life with clarity, rather than letting external circumstances dictate your path.

Actionable Tip: Take time to reflect on your “why.” What drives you? What core values guide your decisions? By identifying your purpose, you can align your daily actions with your long-term goals.

Consistency and Habits: The Silent Force of Success

In the courtroom, consistency is critical. Every decision must be grounded in the law and applied fairly across cases. In life, consistency is equally important—it’s the foundation of success and the key to creating lasting change.

The Compound Effect of Habits

Just as a judge must show up in court every day prepared and committed, we too must show up for ourselves with consistency. James Clear’s work in Atomic Habits emphasizes the power of small, consistent actions. Clear states, “Success is the product of daily habits—not once-in-a-lifetime transformations.”

Whether you’re looking to improve your health, grow your business, or strengthen relationships, the key is consistency. By building small, intentional habits, you create momentum that leads to long-term success.

Actionable Tip: Identify one area of your life where you want to see improvement—whether it’s productivity, health, or mindset. Then, choose a small, sustainable habit you can implement daily that will move you toward that goal.

Embracing Vulnerability: The Hidden Strength in Leadership

One of the most powerful lessons I learned as a judge was the importance of vulnerability. In the courtroom, it takes courage for individuals to share their stories and present their cases. In life, vulnerability is equally important—it’s the foundation of connection and true leadership.

The Strength in Being Vulnerable

Brené Brown, a thought leader in vulnerability and courage, explains that vulnerability is not a weakness, but rather the birthplace of creativity, change, and belonging. As leaders—whether in business or in our personal lives—embracing vulnerability allows us to connect authentically with others and foster trust.

In moments of challenge, it can be tempting to build walls around ourselves. However, when we have the courage to be vulnerable—whether by asking for help, admitting mistakes, or sharing our true feelings—we create space for growth and connection.

Actionable Tip: Practice vulnerability by sharing a challenge or struggle you’re currently facing with a trusted friend, colleague, or mentor. Open up about what you’re going through and be receptive to their insights and support.

Preside Over Your Life with Confidence

The courtroom taught me many invaluable lessons about leadership, resilience, and decision-making. But perhaps the most important lesson is this: we all have the power to preside over our lives. Just as I did in the courtroom, you too can navigate life’s challenges with fairness, wisdom, and purpose.

When you apply the principles of authority, resilience, boundaries, leadership, and vulnerability to your own life, you become the judge of your own destiny. You no longer react to life’s trials—you preside over them with confidence and clarity.

As you go forward, remember that presiding over your life isn’t about controlling every outcome. It’s about leading with intention, making decisions with integrity, and showing up consistently for yourself. With these tools, you have the power to create a life of purpose, fulfillment, and joy.

Explore the Preside? Method?

Learn how you can preside over your life with confidence and purpose by diving into the Preside? Method.