The Art of Peaceful Disagreement (argue or debate- just don't fight)

After recording a recent podcast interview, the host asked me for some marital advice. Always a dangerous ask. I mean, do people really want to hear what I have to say?

Still, I have been married 40 years—yes to the same person the whole time—so I took the bait.?

I explained that the example of a happy marriage was my parents who were married for 65 years. I told the host that my parents would often disagree, even argue, but they never raised their voices to each other. They would have spirited debates, they just never fought. You see when you fight there must be a winner and a loser. Feelings get hurt, people keep score, and it creates a toxic relationship. If you lost the last fight, you are hell bent on winning the next one. It is a formula for mistrust, anger, and an unhealthy competition in a relationship.

Debate but never fight also happens to be a great advice for a healthy workplace. You want a culture of debate where people feel safe to challenge each other and push toward the best ideas. What you don’t want is a culture where you are constantly bickering, and that the only acceptable outcome is that your idea wins the day. That is a recipe for disaster. When the only thing that matters is winning, people get bullied, silenced, and the best ideas rarely rise to the top.

One of the best ways to avoid this kind of culture is to make sure that one of your core values as a team is cheering for each other. This is lesson I learned from one of my business hero’s Scott O'Neil , who is CEO of Merlin Entertainments. Scott loves healthy debate. He even encourages his team to disagree with him. He wants the best ideas to win and for that to happen you had to have spirited debate. He encourages people to disagree, to argue, but never to fight!

When anyone steps over the line with Scott during a debate, he might say something like, “You know, I don’t get the feeling that you are cheering for me on this one.” There will be a pause, the tension releases, and everyone chuckles. It was a very clever way of saying that the person went too far, and that things had gotten personal; let’s back up and start again. The debate would continue without the emotion of worrying about who would win and who would lose.

Who wouldn’t want to work in a place like that? Scott has a history of attracting and keeping the best and the brightest talent.

My parents taught me that lesson a long time ago. I think the story of Irene and Dalt Elton is one of the great love stories of all time, but I am obviously prejudiced. I also believe that keeping anger out of our workplaces is an effective way to create an engaging, safe, and innovative work culture too.

How do you keep debate healthy in your workplace without the drama, hurt feelings, or fighting? I would love to hear your best practices.?

Love + gratitude,

The Gratitude Files???

Anxiety at Work podcast. Each week, my co-author and dear friend, Adrian Gostick , and I are grateful for the opportunity to talk to leading authorities on mental health and explore the causes of workplace stress and anxiety, along with practices that are proven to reduce tension & cultivate calm.

How do you achieve a life beyond your challenges and toward your dreams?

Key Highlights: ??

1. Vulnerability as Strength: Embracing vulnerability is crucial for mental well-being and overcoming challenges like executive loneliness
2. Holistic Approach to Happiness: Achieving happiness and success involves a balanced approach
3. Importance of Support Networks: Having a support system is vital for navigating challenges and maintaining mental health.
4. Leadership and Mental Health: Leaders being open about their struggles and promoting mental health awareness can create an environment where employees feel safe to express their challenges.

With us is Nick Jonsson , the co-founder and Managing Director of Executives' Global Network (EGN) Singapore, Malaysia & Indonesia, the largest peer group network for senior executives and business owners in Southeast Asia. Nick is a passionate advocate for mental health awareness, having written a bestselling book on the subject, "Executive Loneliness. ” He is also a top 1% world age group triathlon athlete by Ironman, which has taught him the importance of resilience and a goal-driven mindset.

I'm thrilled to introduce a project that reflects our passion and commitment to building a great culture at work:

The Gratitude Habit, a 90-day guided journal curated by me and my wonderful coauthor, Adrian Gostick

This isn't merely a journal- it's a movement intended to fill our lives with heartfelt gratitude.

What makes "The Gratitude Habit" a Game-Changer?

?? A guided 90-day journey to discover gratitude

?? Boost team camaraderie, strengthen loyalty, and accelerate growth

?? More than a journal- its a catalyst for positive change

The Culture Works ??

Visit The Culture Works for free resources including videos, podcast episodes, and more to help you build an "all in"?culture?of?gratitude.

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