The Art of Opposing Others: Tips From The Sphere of Influence 360o

Have you ever been on a roll with your teammates, getting excited as your strategy starts to take shape? Perhaps people are agreeing on why, how, and what you’re going to achieve and you can sense momentum building up…when someone throws a spanner in the works?

“Actually, I disagree. Can I suggest something else?”

How did that work out for you all?

Did they raise a valid point that ultimately led to a better plan? Did you feel happy and relieved to have you avoided a costly mistake, thanks to your colleague’s input?

Or did you feel frustrated? Maybe their suggestion slowed down your progress, required more work, or simply made you look bad?

Opposing others won’t necessarily win you any popularity points, but it plays a valuable role in teamwork. It is this particular communication style that can often stop us from getting ahead of ourselves and making decisions without first thinking them through as a group.

What do I mean?

Let me explain.

Opposing others is an influencing style in the Sphere of Influence 360o–perhaps the most contradictory style of all 12.?

We oppose others by expressing our disagreement with their suggestions, ideas, opinions, or proposals, which can have a few distinct benefits:

• According to research, successful teams welcome different perspectives, as it encourages them to view their challenges and ideas from all angles.?
• This ‘positive opposition’ allows groups to leverage their collective intelligence and make more effective, well-considered decisions.
• This, in turn, leads to higher quality ideas and solutions, improving organizational performance as a whole.

As you can see, complementing or refuting others through opposition has a very real impact on team performance, but that doesn’t make it any easier.?

Why not?

Nobody wants to be the naysayer in the group, pouring cold water on plans or holding up progress when things look promising. On top of this, opposing others can feel personal, and it is often seen as a challenge to team spirit or group unity–trouble-making behavior, in a word.

By opposing others, we are essentially confronting them with directly conflicting ideas and making them feel uncomfortable and stressed.?

Internally, it activates their instinctive defensive? “fight-or-flight” mechanisms, such as irritability, tension, and even sarcastic behavior.

So how can you oppose others constructively, to anticipate problems without causing disagreement?

Skilled opposing is about:

• Disagreeing respectfully. Constructive opposition involves expressing your reservations while always staying focused on your collective progress toward the desired outcome.
• Balance. Very few ideas are ‘all bad.’ Skilled opposers highlight the good elements of the ideas of others’ suggestions to avoid overemphasizing the negative.
• Timing. Give others space to speak first and make sure you listen when they do. Look for the value in their ideas before taking your turn, which links back to my previous suggestion on balance.
• Mindset and intention. ‘Negative Nellies’ often oppose others simply for the sake of it. You can distinguish yourself from a pointless naysayer by checking your intentions before you oppose. Are you trying to look smart, or are you trying to make a positive difference?
• If your intentions are constructive, share your motives. This lets others know that you’re not out to make them look foolish, and it will be much easier for you to work together toward a better outcome.

If you want to apply this general advice and apply it in a few more practical, specific ways, I’ve come up with some Oppose style tips that you can implement right away.

5 Ways To Oppose Others Constructively?

Whether opposing others is important to your role or you want to add a new communication style into your daily practice, here are some helpful tips from the Sphere of Influence 360o tool.

1. Set Boundaries

Clear and healthy boundaries are essential for positive teamwork, and setting and maintaining your own helps others understand the limits or rules for acceptable behavior. Your boundaries are defined by your values, beliefs, and past experiences, so they are entirely unique.?

If opposing others doesn’t come naturally to you, take some time to consider why you find it hard to object, set limits, or express disapproval. Very often, it’s because your boundaries are unclear, either to yourself or to others.?

The most effective way to set boundaries is to do so calmly and with confidence. The next time you find yourself in a situation where you have strong objections, or someone crosses your boundaries, try checking your calmness level.?

If you’re relaxed and your emotions are under control, try stating your boundaries with one of the following sentences:

2. Try Refuting

Refuting is another technique for expressing your disagreement diplomatically and constructively. It involves highlighting precisely why someone else’s argument or statement is incorrect, and explaining why that is the case with evidence.

In practice, you can use these 3 steps to refute others:

1. Repeat their incorrect argument, e.g. “You say our sales have never been this low…”
2. Refute it by expressing the belief that their statement is inaccurate, e.g. “...but I disagree…”
3. Back it up with evidence, e.g. “...because our Annual Report shows that last year’s figures were 25% lower than they are now.”

3. Challenging

An outright or direct expression of your disagreement may not always be appropriate, especially if you are challenging a superior or a teammate who doesn’t handle feedback well.?

In these situations, you can indirectly challenge their ideas by questioning them instead. This is a good way to test whether their idea holds up in certain scenarios, for example:

• Do we have the resources to pull this off?
• Does everyone agree with this idea or plan?
• Are there more efficient or effective solutions?
• Can we handle the obstacles we will face when choosing this solution?
• How about timing? Is it the right time? Do we have enough time?
• How would our customers/sponsors/stakeholders react?

4. Weaken An Argument

If someone raises an argument that you can’t directly reject, you can always try pointing out inaccuracies in their suggestion to weaken it.?

This will give your speaker a chance to defend their proposal or idea, potentially leading you all toward a better outcome.?

• Pay careful attention to what the other person is saying to find something you can question. In particular, watch out for generalizing sentences like “We always…,” “We never…,” or “That’s just the way it is.”
• Indicate that they are incorrect, repeating their precise sentence, and
• Take a wait-and-see attitude while you give them a chance to elaborate and defend themselves.

5. Suggest Alternatives

Collectively intelligent brainstorming means considering a range of possibilities, and suggesting alternatives is a great way to make sure that all potentially valuable information, ideas, opinions, views, plans, and suggestions are on the table.?

This ensures everyone involved can see the big picture, including all angles on a certain challenge or proposal.

Offering suggestions is most constructive when you:

• Consider your timing beforehand - is now the right time to offer counter-proposals or alternatives?
• Check whether your conversation partner is open to it - are they calm? Rushed? Distracted?
• Prepare your suggestions in advance - e.g., by creating a list of <5 alternatives that you can present right away.

If you aren’t sure about timing or your teammates’ state of mind, don’t forget that you can always ask for permission to offer your suggestions. Try: “Can I run some alternatives by you?”