The Art of Noticing

In my weekly newsletter, Parenting Prose, I demystify the life altering journey of motherhood. I say the quiet part out loud: this is the hardest job in the world, and one that we are woefully unprepared for.

My hope is that by sharing a variety of my own experiences, I can help soften what often feels like an abrupt and wildly disorienting introduction to parenthood.

The consumer culture we live in is unrelenting when it comes to parenthood.

I remember being pregnant for the first time and attempting to fill out a registry for my baby shower. The sheer amount of options for swaddles/burp cloths/bassinets/sound machines/monitors/etc. was so overwhelming, I almost gave up entirely.

After somehow managing to complete it, I sat there wondering how on earth I would ever keep up with all the "new, cool trends" that society would inevitably expect me to provide my kids with.

One of the most profound lessons I've learned in my ~5 years of parenthood is this:

At the end of the day, our kids just want us to see them.

The toys and the games and the "stuff" we stress out about not having enough of doesn't actually matter.

Are we paying attention?

That matters.

Are we noticing their unique quirks, their current favorite hobbies, their love for certain books or songs?

Are we connecting with them on a deeply personal level?

I think about this skill of noticing and how underrated it is almost every day.

The importance of this skill applies to every aspect of our lives, not just our home life with our kids.

It's visiting a friend who recently had a baby and noticing the flow of her house, where certain things go, and what household chores are piling up so you can step in and clear the clutter, wash the dishes, and offer your help in really meaningful ways.

It's noticing that one of your coworkers constantly chimes in on Microsoft Teams when they're "OOO", indicating that yes, they are enjoying time off and they'd also like to be kept in the loop. So next time they miss a client meeting, you call to leave a voicemail recap - not because you expect them to answer, but because you know they'll appreciate being included.

It's enrolling your 3-year-old in gymnastics, and noticing her get incrementally better and more confident week after week. She begins scaling every vertical artifact in your home and has seemingly no fear of heights. So you invest in a climbing dome in the backyard because this seems to be both a passion and skill of hers that she loves.

It's listening to your almost 5-year-old recite storybooks by memory and beam with pride when she gets to the end, so you stock up on books about her favorite things and read with her every chance you get.

Our kids aren't the only ones who want to be seen and noticed by others.

We all do...

I encourage you to put your phone away this weekend and pay attention to all of the beautiful things worth noticing, especially when it comes to your kids.

I guarantee having your undivided attention and feeling seen by you will make them feel 100x times happier than anything you could buy.