The Art of Negotiation (And Why I’m Struggling to Win Against Myself)

The first time I saw true negotiation in action was in an Indian clothing store when I was a child.

If you’ve ever been, you know the scene — aunties walking in with quiet confidence, salespeople pulling out stacks of saris like they’re unveiling priceless treasures, and then… the negotiation begins.

What starts as casual browsing quickly turns into a masterclass in deal-making.

?? “This sari is nice, but the border isn’t as heavy as I expected… and for this price?” A slight head shake.

?? “Come on, at least include some bangles and a matching clutch. We can’t leave with just the sari.”

And before you know it? The shopkeeper has dropped the price, added free accessories, and is somehow thanking them for their business.

Meanwhile, I stood there, watching in awe. If it were me, I’d have just paid the first price given.

For the longest time, I thought negotiation was a skill that belonged to them—the bold, the assertive, the ones who knew exactly how to push for what they wanted. Not me.

Then I picked up The Negotiation Playbook by Glin Bayley (book #13 in my 100 books read in 2025 challenge!) and realised negotiation isn’t just about getting the best deal—it’s about positioning, timing, and knowing when to push.

But there’s also a key point that stuck with me: negotiation isn’t for every situation. You don’t haggle over the price at the supermarket checkout, and you certainly don’t start negotiating with a customs officer at the airport. It’s about recognising where you actually have room to move—and using that wisely.

Although I don’t think I’ll ever reach elite sari store aunty status, here are a few key lessons from the book that changed how I see negotiation.

1. We’re Negotiating More Than We Think

For the longest time, I thought negotiation was just for big moments—salary discussions, business deals, buying a car. But Bayley makes it clear: negotiation happens everywhere.

? Trying to lower your power bill? That’s negotiation. ? Pushing back on an unrealistic deadline? Negotiation. ? Convincing your friends to go to your restaurant pick instead of theirs? Negotiation in its sneakiest form.

I decided to put this into practice and tested it out on my power company. I didn’t call (because phone calls are slightly terrifying), but I jumped on online chat and asked if they could offer me a credit to keep me from switching providers. And guess what? They did.

One of the book’s key frameworks—the Value Method?—teaches that if you position yourself as valuable to the other party, you increase your ability to negotiate effectively.

In my case, I framed myself as a loyal customer with options, and suddenly, the deal was on the table.

?? Lesson learned: You don’t get what you don’t ask for.

2. Power Dynamics Aren’t Always What They Seem

One of the biggest takeaways from this book is that negotiation isn’t just about getting a better deal—it’s about understanding where you actually have leverage.

Bayley explains how the first offer in a negotiation acts as an anchor, meaning whoever sets the initial number or terms controls the conversation.

?? “How much do you think this should cost?” (Translation: Let’s see if you lowball yourself before I even make an offer.)

?? “We usually charge $500 for this, but we’ll do it for $450.” (Translation: We were always willing to do $450, but now you feel like you’re getting a deal.)

The key? Don’t let the other person set the anchor first. Instead, flip the script by asking: ?? “What’s the typical range for this?” ?? “What flexibility do you have on pricing?”

This keeps the conversation open instead of locking you into a number before you’ve had a chance to position yourself.

3. The Best Negotiators Read Between the Lines

Some of the most valuable negotiation lessons aren’t about what’s said—but what’s implied.

Bayley highlights that certain phrases are often used to maintain power in a conversation:

?? “That’s just the process.” (Translation: We don’t want to make an exception, but we might if you push harder.)

?? “We’d love to, but it’s out of our hands.” (Translation: It could be done, but we don’t want to be the ones doing it.)

Instead of taking these as final answers, Bayley suggests reframing the conversation: ?? “I understand there’s a process—who would be the right person to speak to about an exception?” ?? “If you were in my position, what would you recommend as the next step?”

These responses keep the negotiation going and shift the power dynamic by forcing the other party to engage with you, rather than shutting down the conversation.

4. The Hardest Negotiation? The One We Have With Ourselves

One of the most surprising (and painfully relatable) lessons in the book is that the toughest negotiations aren’t with other people—they’re with ourselves.

Ever had these thoughts?

?? “They probably won’t agree to that, so I won’t even ask.”

?? “I don’t want to seem difficult, so I’ll just take whatever is offered.”

That’s called self-anchoring—where we limit ourselves before the conversation even starts. Bayley emphasises that our biggest negotiation mistakes happen when we talk ourselves out of opportunities before we’ve even tried.

(Which is exactly why I’m currently locked in an ongoing negotiation with myself over whether I should finally replace my 2008 Suzuki Swift -208,000 km and going. The other party (also me) is very persuasive, making strong arguments about “reliability” and “just a few more years.” So far, I’m losing this battle…)

Final Thoughts

This book reinforced something I’ve always believed—good negotiators don’t just focus on the deal in front of them, they focus on relationships and long-term outcomes. Bayley highlights that negotiation isn’t about “winning” in the moment—it’s about setting yourself up for better opportunities over time.

Whether you’re negotiating a contract, a deadline, or just what’s for dinner, understanding negotiation strategy can change the way you navigate conversations.

Highly recommend The Negotiation Playbook—whether you want to sharpen your skills in business or just stop negotiating against yourself, this book is packed with practical advice.

?? Have you ever negotiated a great deal—or completely fumbled one? Drop your story in the comments!