The Art of Not Making a Decision

Help! I can’t choose for myself.

A dog on a leash with a collar that says: “I can’t choose,” and the phrase: “Let’s go this way, Buddy. I’ll choose for you.”

How Do You Just Know What You Want?

For indecisive people, this is the million-dollar question.

Today, you don’t know what to wear, what to study, which present to give, or how to start a text message. Ugh! Life is full of decisions.

But don’t worry—you don’t actually need to make a decision.

Instead, you can try to find it, even if it takes years.

Here are two ways to do that:

1. Overthink.

2. Let other people decide for you.

Trust me, it works like a charm.

Technique #1: Overthink

Should I start this project? Should I go out this weekend? Should I choose the pizza or the pasta?

Now you’re deep in reflection because you’ve learned you always have to choose wisely.

Notice the number of ‘should’ questions. Indecisive people tend to be very moral. Behind their wishy-washy facade (their favorite quote being: “I don’t know!!!”), they’re really comparing:

- Good vs. Bad

- Appropriate vs. Inappropriate

- The intelligent and kind thing to do vs. The stupid and mean thing to do

And that’s not a bad thing. It shows you care about how your decisions affect others. Sometimes, you even care about yourself: your health, your happiness, your life goals. Overthinking shows you care a lot about doing good.

But what “good” is, no one really knows. The good decision won’t whisper in your ear: “Hey, pick me! I’m right here!!!” That makes the job even harder.

So now you’re using logic. It’s not about picking option A or B anymore. It’s not about what you want. It’s about researching, decoding, and arguing which choice is objectively right and which is wrong.

Some call it wisdom. Others call it procrastination.

Technically, if you’re indecisive, you wait more. Hoping that maybe tomorrow, next week, or next year, you’ll wake up and have the magic answer right in front of your nose.

Waking up after so many days of asking: “Should I write a book or not?” and finally getting the secret message: “Yes, you should write a book.” “Finally,” you sigh in relief.

I wish it was that simple.

In an ideal world, I would see different versions of myself through a screen. That way, I’d make a better judgment. I’d pick the right path. I’d say: “Okay, I’m 100% sure I wanna go this way. And if not, I’ll get a refund.”

But life goes the other way around: You live the future first, and only then can you tell whether you like your decision or not.

That’s risky, though.

So you do mental gymnastics instead. You weigh the pros and cons. You try to make hypotheses about what’s good and what’s bad. And by the time you finally act, you’ll have a headache from all this overthinking.

Oh well. I guess this technique doesn’t fully work.

But rest assured; there’s still another one left.

Technique #2: Let Other People Decide For You

Suppose you’re hanging out with an acquaintance, and you have to choose a restaurant. Ouch.

You both say: “Whatever you want.”

And now you’re both stuck.

Maybe you don’t mind where to eat. But also, there could be a secret fear: If good decisions exist, then you could make a bad suggestion and hence a terrible mistake.

You’d feel guilty if your choice was incorrect, whatever incorrect might mean. No one wants to be incorrect. No one wants what I would call PR, or Potential Regret.

Because that’s what making a decision is all about: You’re exposing yourself to the annoying “what ifs” and “should haves.” The frustration. The self-disappointment. The desperate rumination of what could’ve been.

Even if it’s just a restaurant, it still influences the trajectory of your friend’s day, and guess what: You are responsible for picking a regret (because for one restaurant you choose, there’s also one restaurant you don’t choose, and that is Potential Regret).

So now you’re throwing the bomb of PR at each other.

Somehow, it feels like deciding for ourselves is bad. Because choosing is the equivalent of making a statement. It’s admitting that you have preferences. And if you’re a people pleaser, you don’t want your preferences to clash with others.

So instead of wanting something, you ask everyone—your partner, your friends, your parents, your teachers, your social media readers—to do the wanting for you.

Because whatever the other person wants must be the good decision.

The problem, though, is when you’ve thrown the bomb of PR so many times, and since no one has chosen, you never come to a conclusion (unless you roll a dice or play rock-paper-scissors or something).

Oh well. I guess technique #2 doesn’t work all the time either.

When Nothing Works, Embrace the Chaos

Suppose you’re fed up. Enough is enough. You never want to decide anymore because every time you choose something, you suffer.

Even a simple question like: “Do you want to go out tonight?” involves what the other person actually wants, not you. Somehow, the answer is never in you. It’s always inside other people’s heads.

And now you don’t want to play detective. You don’t want to assume. You’re tired of guessing what the person wants your reply to be.

So you just call them.

And with a melodramatic voice, you implore:

Your friend says: “Woah. What’s wrong with you?” And you reply: “I’m easy-going.”

Conflicts usually happen when two people want different things. But what about conflicts that happen when no one knows what they want? (Image by author)

hangs up phone

Now you’re all alone.

So you decide to go to the nearest supermarket and waltz down the hall.

And then you decide to buy a bag of cookies.

And then you decide to eat a cookie.

And then, as you eat the cookie, you think: “Wait, did I just make a decision?! But it came naturally though, and I didn’t have to think it through. I didn’t have to ask anyone either.”

You didn’t plan it, you just lived it.

And that’s the art of not making a decision.

Thank you for reading! ?

Tags: Decision Making, Decisions, Mental Health, Psychology, Guilt