The ART of Listening, Listening In & Listening to SELF!!

We all Listen!! (except for the unfortunate few who cannot listen). Then why the brouhaha over “Listening”?

40+ years of living and I recently got introduced to the 4 levels of listening by Mr. Otto Scharmer. It made me realize that listening can happen at levels more than the distinctly identified or that one can relate to, with the model capturing the journey into 4. One thing is for sure:?We listen attentively to what interests us?E.g.: A movie experience where all our senses are aligned to watch & listen (this is one of the most attentive listenings that humans have been habituated to), isn’t it?

In the same coin, we almost miss not just what is being said, but the complete message conveyed by the speaker when we have another important matter that has just engulfed our mind. This can be so baffling that even if we are standing RIGHT IN FRONT of the person who is doing the talking, we still miss all that was said to us and then struggle to retrieve even one word from what was said. Try remembering one such experience from recent times; you will not be disappointed.

Speaking of?Listening in Coaching, Coaches are taught to focus on “Listening carefully” all along while in the conversation. In parallel terms, it is also known by the term: “Presence”. ONLY when one listens (listens well/listens deeper/ listens with all of the presence) will one be able to make the “Best Sense” of what is being said, unsaid & beyond. This is likely to lead to “Enhanced Curiosity & an inquisitive mind” thereby playing an enabler role.

Otto Scharmer in his classification explains the distinction between:

1) Downloading [ Listening to register]

2) Factual Listening [Open Mind]?

3) Empathic Listening [Open Heart] &

4) Generative Listening [ Open Will]. It is not surprising most listen to “Download”, ONLY to reconfirm old opinions & Judgements.

On the professional front, the effort to listen to facts came in as a requirement, thanks to the area of work: Six Sigma & Business Excellence. It still required me to have an Open Mind to be a “Good” team player & listener. The ability to raise the bar to “Empathetic Listening” took some effort as it otherwise was happening in selective scenarios. To make it constant & happen at all times is something that I would be working towards, with Grit & determination.

Most having been conditioned to have an opinion, take sides, have likes/dislikes, habits & subconscious self-biases, find it a tall order to rise; many a time not even realizing the “Self-TRUTH”, that they are not good at listening. “Every Coach” & “Every person” can practice this by developing awareness towards the Truth & making a conscious effort daily, to “Go by Facts”, “Be Open to Truth” & “Not carry opinion/judgment over the sleeve”.

The Judge in us/ the conditioned mind from experiences & personal preferences tries to Influence the quality of Listening. If you manage to rise above these “filters” & achieve “good listening habits”, you will experience the wonderful benefits the Coach/ practitioner stands to gain & add positivity and smiles to the environment where you work/live/pass by.

When one graduates from this school, listening in & Listening to Self becomes a true possibility. This would require a similar exercise; just that all of it is inward. Silent reflection, listening in with a clean slate & an open mind are likely to support the listener in listening to what was said, but not heard for long. The practice of Mindfulness as well is likely to support the seeker of “Listening in & Listening to Self”.

With these 2 qualities: The art of Listening & Listening in/Listening to self, a Coach can feel assured, that she/he will make her/his presence & curiosity benefit the client. If & when practiced, these qualities can have a “Transformational” impact on all individuals (Coaches/Coachees & all) who can ease themselves into this sacred space.

As they say, Charity starts from home, in practice, we Coaches will be amongst the first to benefit from this journey of Self-Reflection!!

Author - Kiran Varri - CCXP, ITIL V4