The Art Of Listening

As Coaches, we are trained in many different communication techniques to aid in understanding our clients.? No other skill is more important to developing a sense of connection and understanding than the skill of active listening.

Active listening involves a way of listening and responding to the other person that improves overall understanding.? This is a valuable technique that requires the listener to thoroughly absorb, understand, respond, and retain what’s being said. While engaging in active listening, the listener may also pay close attention to the speaker’s tone, behavior and body language in order to gain a better understanding of their message.

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Why is active listening important?

Active listening is an important communication skill that involves fully focusing on and understanding what the other person is saying. There are multiple benefits to its use:

1. Build better relationships: Active listening helps to establish trust and understanding, which can help you build better relationships with the people you interact with.
2. Avoid misunderstandings: When you actively listen, you are better able to understand the other person’s point of view, which can help you avoid misunderstandings and conflicts.
3. Show respect: When you actively listen, you are demonstrating that you value and respect the other person’s thoughts and feelings.
4. Increase productivity: Active listening can help to improve communication and collaboration, which can lead to increased productivity and better outcomes.
5. Develop empathy: Active listening requires you to put yourself in the other person’s shoes, which can help you develop empathy and understanding.?

What we don’t want in communication...

The practice of active listening forces us to be more present and takes us away from common listening habits such as:

• Being stuck in your own head
• Not hearing underlying meaning
• “Topping” the story (saying “That reminds me of the time…”)
• Forgetting what was said in the past
• Focusing too much on details and missing the big picture
• Ignoring what you don’t understand
• Pretending to pay attention

Any of these habits distract from the meaning behind our words and serve to lessen the effectiveness of our interactions.? In this way, employing the skill of active listening will promote understanding and foster greater connection within relationships.

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The Big 6 (Skills for Active Listening)

When we are practicing active listening, our goal is understanding.? This understanding is cultivated by focusing on the meaning of what is being said.? In this way, we not only focus on the words conveyed but also the tone, pace of speech, facial expressions and gestures of the speaker.

In addition, here are six key techniques that are important to active listening:?

1. Pay attention.

Your goal should be to focus on the speaker while being an effective listener. Set a comfortable pace that gives the other person an opportunity to think and speak. Don’t cut the speaker off, finish their sentences, or start formulating your answer before they’ve finished. Body language, frame of mind, eye contact and being focused on the moment demonstrate respect for the speaker.

2. Withhold judgment.

Active listening requires an open mind. As a listener and a leader, be open to new ideas, new perspectives, and new possibilities when practicing active listening. Suspend judgment, withhold criticisms and avoid arguing or selling the other person on your point of view.

3. Reflect.

When you’re the listener, don’t assume that you understand the other person correctly — or that they feel heard. Paraphrasing their key points and mirroring their emotions indicates that you and your counterpart are on the same page.

4. Clarify.

Don’t be shy to ask questions about any issue that’s ambiguous or unclear when engaging in active listening. Clarify their perspective by using open questions which enables the speaker to expand on certain points as necessary.

5. Summarize.

Restating key themes as the conversation confirms and solidifies your grasp of the other person’s point of view. It also helps both parties to be clear on what has been said and its’ meaning.?

6. Be Silent.

Active listening is first about understanding the other person, then about being understood as the listener. Allowing time for the processing of thoughts and ideas is necessary in communication.? Be silent and be comfortable in that silence.? Asking questions and allowing space for thoughtful responses is the essence of active listening.

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Final Thoughts

Think of active listening in terms of being the last to speak.

When we are the last to speak, we make others feel heard.? Whether the person says something you agree with or disagree with, resist responding. Simply ask questions so that you can understand what they mean and why they hold the opinion or perspective that they do.

The applications are endless. Developing a system by which the speaker feels heard and understood will not only facilitate better relationships but will increase connection on a fundamental level. When we are heard and understood, our ability to do the same for others magnifies and leads to greater empathy. Specifically for managers and leaders, active listening can foster a feeling of enhanced connection within teams and organizations.

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