The Art of “Letting Go”

There are quotes, cute signs, songs, t-shirts, mugs, and everything else you can think of that have all been created to reinforce one simple statement. Let it go! This should tell you everything you need to know about how simple is not always (or ever) easy . Well-meaning friends and colleagues have likely given you the advice to “let it go” when it comes to hardships, conflict, mistakes, frustration, and embarrassment. So you take a breath, nod your head in agreement, and vow to do exactly what. But do you? Or does it look more like trying to throw a paper airplane with your fingers still tightly piercing the the paper?

I’m tackling this topic because I need these truths to cycle on repeat in my head. If you can relate, well then these words are for you too. Instead of the cheap advice of “Can’t you just let it go?” I’m going to dig deeper into what really needs to take place in your heart and mind to make the art of letting go possible.

Separate your identity from your circumstances.

The inability to let something go, whether it’s conflict, regret, shame, anger, or something else, is usually because it’s interwoven into your identity. The situation has hit a nerve with how you perceive yourself. It has challenged or reinforced a piece of your identity that’s a sore spot. My own common example is worthiness. If I can’t seem to let something go and continue to carry the shame and regret of a situation with me, it’s because I believe that situation has challenged my worthiness. I’m choosing to believe the lie that another person’s opinion or actions impact my value. It’s raw, but true. Maybe you can relate? Where I need to work consistently and diligently is on reinforcing the truths of my identity and the unwavering value I carry regardless of what other people think or say about me.

Name and claim your emotions.

In order to heal you must feel. You will not overcome emotions or reactions that you refuse to feel. It’s like a festering wound. Sometimes you need to dig deep to remove the “bad” to allow a better, healthier recovery. Our emotions are similar. When you’re met with a hard situation, allow yourself to rationally experience all the emotions that this has stirred up. Write them down. Talk through it with a trusted individual. Fully feel those emotions, and then like leaves passing by on a river, let them flow by. Don’t run after them or hold onto them. Which brings me to…

Hold yourself accountable for rehashing the past.

We are our own biggest roadblocks when it comes to letting go. How often do we willingly choose to stay miserable in a situation by holding on to anger and regret? We must hold ourselves accountable to what we say we are going to do. If we truly want to become a person who can easily let go of negative emotions, we cannot then allow ourselves to hold on to the past. I love the theory that we are NOT responsible for our first thought, but we are responsible for our second.

You might find an old, negative thought creep into your mind. When it does, you are responsible for what you do with it. If you’re serious about letting go and moving on, you have to discard that thought and choose a new and better one to replace it. Revisiting the hurt and allowing it to linger is only to your own detriment, no one else’s.

What has this uncovered that you need to work on?

If you’re being honest about your inability to let certain things go, where do you believe your strongest hangup exists? Which of the points above address it, or is there something else I overlooked? I’d love to get your perspective on this important topic. Join me in the comments!

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