The art of just being yourself

Word by word, she said "Just. be. yourself."

A good and trusted friend told me this 2 years ago, prior to me making that jump into entrepreneurship and going off on my own after spending at least 20 years in the corporate world. I nodded when I heard that.

I understood what she meant, but never really grasped that concept very well. And I've heard this countless of times before, especially when we are in a difficult situation or when questioning our decisions on a matter where we are put on the spot. "Don't worry Rizal, just be yourself and you'll be fine".

But if I'm fine, why would I be worrying?

To date, I still go through moments where I question myself and asked IF I'm able to do what I need to do. Especially for me now, I'm a speaker and a corporate trainer, and people pay me to bring value, knowledge, information and share my experience.

I'm excited each time a session is about to begin. But there'll be that small voice that sometimes raise my insecurities. The insecurities are heighten especially if I don't know who I'm going to be speaking to because it could be people whom I may feel inferior too, a crowd that is reluctantly placed there and in no mood to listen, or a group of people whom probably heard the same topic a few times already. You can't help it sometimes.

Usually, when I have some spare time, I spend a great deal of time watching videos online, attend trainings and also watch other trainers in action. After watching all that, it's so easy to just feel compelled to emulate speakers and trainers that we resonate with or like. I mean, at the height of Obama's tenure as the President of USA, I've copied his style of speaking and did it in front of a mirror. He just sounds cool, well to me at least. But I'll admit, I've used his style of speaking to my team before. (gasp)

Who else? Tony Robbins, Gary Vee after watching his IG Reels, Bill Pullman on ID4, King Theoden of Rohan from LOTR, some dudes on TED, Russel Peters and countless more.

Ok, so I have a knack of mimicking actors and voices. But that's besides the point...

Hence I am guilty of sometimes trying to copy some of the styles I saw for the trainings and speaking sessions, only to realize that it doesn't sound right. It's almost like I'm FAKE. How did I discover this? Thanks to ZOOM recording.

After watching a few of these recordings post training and going through multiple face palms moments, I realized that it has to stop. Like now.

Some might say that the my current style is working, why change? I begin to realize that by trying to copy someone else's style there's always that missing element - originality. Yes, you can definitely sound and look awesome, but people won't be able to connect with the real you.

It's so important to be genuine and up front, especially during conversations or when answering questions. We are just more comfortable with answering and interacting as how we always do. You can sound amazing talking about the topic, but when it comes to the Q&A you are nowhere near as finesse and smooth. Consistency is key, and the best way to be consistent is when you are just being YOU.

So I've already taken that step to make sure that all my content and delivery in my speaking and training courses, showcases 'me'.

BEING WHO YOU ARE.

'Being who you are' needs you to look deep into yourself and understand what makes you tick.

For me, to start the self discovery journey I completed these simple steps:

?? Conversations

Have a conversation with yourself and ask yourself questions, loads of them. Make it a routine to ask questions that probes your mind and thought process. During my coaching certification journey, I begin to understand the power of questions and how it can help shape your mind. The same rules apply, and we genuinely ask these questions to ourselves as if we are our own coachee. It works! Well for me at least. Ask yourself thinking questions, and sometimes - ridicule your own answers.

?? Journal

Try and keep a journal. And for some reason, social media is like a dynamic journal to me. Anything that comes to mind, I probably would have placed it on LinkedIn and almost all my content are genuinely my own creation. Make it a habit to place content on social media and when you get used to delivering your own self made content, the next time you speak about it, it becomes second nature. Now, if you aren't the type to put it OUT there for people to read, then make your own journal to record your thoughts or experiences. It's beautiful how this thing works. During my training sessions, I've always referred back to my own LinkedIn post as a talking point, and boy it does wonders.

?? Read

The toughest - Read & Learn. I'm not an avid reader, but if I find something I like I really go through it quickly. I gain lots of inspiration from some of the books I read, which gives me and understanding of what motivates me. I find inspiration from the least expected sections of a book. I have this book which had a whole host of suggestions on how to motivate team members and what I've done was on a daily basis, i'll just pick a random page and read one or two paragraphs. The amount of ideas that came out from it are plenty. I still have it with me. I use the book as one of my mic stand for my live sessions....See! Easy access to information and personal inspiration.

?? Eye on the prize

Focused - Pick a goal, and go for it. When we have an objective and we are putting all our efforts in trying to achieve it, you will find that we can discover about our capabilities more. You got to really want your prize, to be able to see how well you do what you need to do. Sometimes, we have multiple goals, but it could be something that isn't as important so we find our efforts aren't there. I'm sure, like me, you have had that one thing you wanted and nothing could even stop you from getting it, and it's during those moments you start to see the real you. So, pick a goal - it doesn't matter if it's a goal for a simple task, long term goals, fun goals etc etc. But stick to it, and go all out. See what happens.

?? Selfish. Just a bit

One part, which I'd say is also hard, is to be selfish. I sometimes just have to drown out all the noises, the naysayers, the haters. ie - whatever....(speak to the hand moments). I've had to tell people, to just let me do my thing my way, as it's my own style. It's not that easy, cause sometimes dealing with clients could be tricky. Alright, so it's not about saying to people to just get off your back, but knowing that when it comes to YOUR work and YOUR content and YOUR style, you don't really need to change it to match someone else. We can take criticism or feedback, but ultimately our work is unique to who we are and how we do it. I'd like to think that we are all unique in our own way, and there'll always be value in how we are different. No?

So yes, be a bit selfish, just a bit.

?? Video killed the 'fake' star

As I mentioned above, just review your training or speaking session recordings post delivery. It tells a million tales and gives you a lot of good insights on what works and what doesn't. And if you are faking it, you can definitely pick it up, eradicate and change it. If you don't have videos, just go in front of a mirror and present to yourself. Or even harder, ask your bestfriend, who probably isn't in the same line of work, to listen to what you are going to present about. They are usually, very up front.

Finally.

When we've gone through that whole journey of understanding ourselves, we naturally be who we are when we speak, when we write content and when we communicate/engage with people. It's us, being able to appreciate the fact that we are all unique in our own way. No need to be pretentious or someone we are not. Because we are now, comfortable with our skin.

There are many ways to learn MORE about yourself but the above are some of the things I do to try and tune in to myself.

"Just. be. yourself."

Care to share how you learn about yourself?