The Art of Influence and Negotiation: Lessons from My Career
Limor Bergman Gross
I help women in engineering progress to leadership roles by overcoming feeling stuck, frustrated, or powerless through a structured process that empowers them to take control of their career growth.
I never considered myself a natural negotiator or influencer.
As an introverted woman in tech, I often felt uncomfortable asking for what I wanted. Whether I was negotiating a new opportunity or influencing stakeholders, I didn’t feel confident. Over the years, I learned that influence doesn’t have to mean being loud or pushy. Instead, it’s about understanding others, aligning goals, and building trust—skills that anyone can develop.
Here’s how I discovered the power of influence and negotiation through key moments in my journey.
Influencing My Career Growth Early On
As a student working as a part-time software engineer, I found myself stuck in a role using outdated technology. My manager wasn’t supportive, and I knew this wasn’t where I wanted to stay. I had two choices: leave or push for an internal move. I chose the latter.
I approached my manager’s manager with a clear, motivated request to join a different team working with newer technologies I knew nothing about. I showed my willingness to learn and my desire to grow. To my surprise, he gave me the chance. That decision shaped the trajectory of my career. I realized that when you advocate for yourself with confidence and clarity, you can influence the opportunities available to you.
Handling Conflict in Negotiations
Negotiation conversations can get tense. I’ve been in situations where discussions seemed to reach a dead end, with both sides stuck in their positions.
One of the strategies I’ve found effective is to step back and identify areas of common ground.
Instead of getting stuck in a disagreement, I ask questions like:?What do we agree on? What shared goals do we have??Focusing on commonalities helps de-escalate tension. Then, I challenge the other party to propose solutions that meet both our needs. This shifts the conversation from confrontation to collaboration.
What Holds Women Back from Asking?
In my coaching practice, I’ve noticed that many women in tech feel uncomfortable advocating for themselves. They fear being perceived as aggressive, fear rejection or doubt whether they deserve what they’re asking for. I understand this because I’ve been there myself.
The two main ways I help clients overcome these fears are:
1. Building Self-Worth and Confidence: We focus on recognizing their value and the impact they bring.
2. Taking Small, Bold Steps: I encourage them to practice negotiation outside of work. For example, one client negotiated a lower bill with a utility provider—not a workplace challenge, but still a way to practice facing rejection and pushing outside her comfort zone.
Over time, these small wins build the muscle needed to negotiate effectively in higher-stakes situations.
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A Recent Success Story: Influencing for Team Growth
A client of mine wanted to influence her manager to approve an additional headcount for her team. We worked together to create a plan that included KPIs for 2025 and outlined how her team’s structure would support those goals. She then presented a hiring plan demonstrating how additional resources were essential to achieving those objectives.
She successfully influenced her manager to approve the new roles by framing the conversation around the company's needs. This strategy worked because it wasn’t just about her request but about aligning with business priorities.
My Tips for Influence and Negotiation
Based on my experiences, here are some practical strategies to help you build influence and negotiate with confidence:
1. Understand the Other Person’s Perspective: What motivates them? What do they need to succeed? When you show empathy and curiosity, you can align your goals with theirs.
2. Find Common Ground: In moments of conflict, look for shared goals or areas of agreement. This helps reduce tension and fosters collaboration.
3.?Practice Small Wins:?You can develop influence and negotiation skills through practice. Start with low-stakes scenarios to build your confidence.
4. Frame Your Requests Strategically: When advocating for yourself, connect your goals to the company’s or stakeholders’ priorities. Show how what you want benefits the bigger picture.
5. Don’t Fear Rejection: A “no” isn’t the end of the road. It’s often a “not now.” Reflect on what you can learn and be prepared to try again later.
Closing Thoughts
Influence and negotiation aren’t reserved for the loudest voices in the room. They are skills that can be learned and honed through intentional practice. Whether seeking a promotion, managing a team, or advocating for resources, it starts with believing in your worth and building relationships based on trust and mutual goals.
Looking to dive deeper into the art of influence?
??? Check out my latest podcast episode with B. Kim Barnes, where we explore how women can confidently influence and negotiate without compromising their authenticity.
?? Listen now:
My Website: https://www.limorbergman.com/podcast
If you’re struggling with these skills or want to take your career to the next level, you’re not alone.
Reach out—I’d be happy to support you on your journey.
Limor.