The Art of Growing Into Yourself: A Journey to Self-Acceptance

It was long ago and far away, but standing backstage at the Miss Cardiff pageant, surrounded by confident contestants, I felt like an imposter. I turned up ready and made up, with my costume and shoes, as you see in the picture. I was ready to go while all around me were clearly much more professional. I hated every moment.

The catcalls from the audience only amplified my discomfort. Despite friends encouraging me to participate, every moment felt like a harsh reminder of my perceived inadequacies. I thought I was fat. In reality, I was a slender size 10 (UK). Little did I know then that I was wasting precious time battling my reflection.

Now in my sixties, I wish I could travel back in time and tell that young woman what I know today: true beauty isn’t found in perfection but in self-acceptance and self-love. The journey to this realisation wasn’t straightforward. Is it ever? Life has a way of teaching us its most valuable lessons through unexpected challenges. For me, it took a fractured spine and the subsequent healing process to fundamentally shift my perspective. My body changed shape, and I was forced to reframe my thinking. Instead of focusing on appearance, I learned to appreciate my body’s remarkable ability to heal and adapt. It wasn’t easy.

This experience taught me that our bodies deserve gratitude rather than criticism. These incredible vessels carry us through countless adventures, bear children, heal from injuries, and continue serving us faithfully as we age. Yet many women over 50 (or even earlier) struggle to embrace their changing bodies, carrying forward decades of ingrained self-criticism.

The media bombards us with messages about "ageing gracefully," often a euphemism for "looking younger." But what if we redefined this as self-acceptance? What if we celebrated our bodies for their strength and resilience rather than their adherence to societal standards? Wouldn’t that be something worth celebrating?

Standing backstage at that pageant, I never imagined I’d one day be helping other women find their authentic voice and confidence. But decades later, I use my journey from self-criticism to self-acceptance to guide women through their own transformational paths.

The catcalls from the pageant audience still echo in my memory – not because they were particularly cruel but because they amplified the harsh voice of my inner critic. I still cringe with embarrassment. Like many young women, I was waging a constant battle with my reflection, measuring myself against impossible standards and always coming up short.

Now, in my work, I often ask my clients to journal and get it all out. It’s remarkable how many of us carry these wounds from our younger years, letting them shape our self-image well into our fifties and beyond. One of the most powerful tools in my healing journey has been my journal. When my body was healing, my pen became my compass, helping me navigate the complex emotions of physical change and self-acceptance. This experience informs my work, where I witness the transformative power of putting thoughts on paper.

Consider this exercise I often share with my clients: Take a moment to write a letter to your younger self. What would you tell her about beauty, worth, and self-acceptance? What wisdom have you gained that she desperately needs to hear?

But take it a step further and bring your hands to your heart. Close your eyes and imagine surrounding all parts of you and you at all ages with love and self-acceptance. And if you have any love to spare, send it out into the world for anyone needing a virtual hug.

For women struggling with body image issues in their later years, the path to self-acceptance begins with small steps. Start by practising gratitude for what your body enables you to do – whether it’s gardening, hugging grandchildren, or simply breathing deeply. Focus on activities that make you feel strong and capable rather than striving for an impossible ideal. Dress in clothes that make you feel confident and comfortable, regardless of current trends. Find your signature style that reflects who you are today, not who society expects you to be. Experiment with colours that lift your mood and make you feel good.

Most importantly, practice self-compassion. When negative thoughts arise, challenge them with the same kindness you’d offer a friend. Would you criticise her for the natural changes that come with ageing? Of course not. Extend that same grace to yourself. Beauty isn’t a finite resource that diminishes with age – it evolves and deepens, becoming richer with experience. Your worth isn’t measured by the smoothness of your skin or the number on a scale but by the life you’ve lived and the laughter and love you’ve shared.

As I’ve learned, confidence isn’t a destination—it’s a practice. It’s about trust, knowing, and, most importantly, self-acceptance. It’s acknowledging fear without surrendering to it. It’s unique to you and your journey, and it’s perfectly okay for it to fluctuate and need renewal.

This realisation isn’t just personal – it applies to careers and business, too. Many accomplished women in their fifties and sixties find themselves questioning their value in the workplace, struggling with imposter syndrome, or not being valued despite their achievements. For these women, self-acceptance isn’t just about appearance; it’s about recognising their worth as leaders, innovators, and mentors. True confidence in business comes from embracing your unique perspective and using it to inspire others. Whether you’re leading a team, starting a new venture, or transitioning careers, trust that your experiences and wisdom are invaluable assets.

Looking back at that young woman at the Miss Cardiff pageant, I no longer see her perceived flaws. Instead, I see the seeds of strength that would later bloom into self-acceptance and self-love. It took decades, some difficult lessons, and a fractured spine to understand that self-acceptance isn’t giving up – it’s growing up.

For women over 50, this can be our most liberating chapter yet. We’ve earned the right to define beauty on our terms, to wear our experiences proudly, and to love ourselves unconditionally. True confidence isn’t about looking perfect – it’s about being perfectly comfortable in your own skin, whatever age you are. And that, my friends, is a beautiful thing to witness and an even more beautiful thing to achieve.

Ready to join me in 12 Weeks to A New You?