Art to Go Please!
My following on the massive social media app TikTok at just over 20K is modest in comparison with other accounts that are bloated with millions of followers from around the world. Like mine, these accounts create daily, endorphin-boosting, 60-second entertainment bytes for 800 million active users.
While I find myself genuinely enjoying creating content for this platform — my ego salivating at the prospect of my next video 'viral-ing' me over the wall to 50K followers — the artist in me cowers in revulsion at the sheer unapologetic, esurient, dare I say egomaniacal ? Nature of the app.
At the same time that I am actively trying to launch my own brand into the highly coveted stratosphere of awards, recognition and approval, I find my artist sabotaging my ego’s lofty goals.
I have all the tools to satisfy my ego’s wants. I know the steps I should take, the money I have to spend to achieve everything I have ever wanted for my brand. But there’s a problem. My artist is not comfortable with becoming corporatized, quantified, organized or sanitized.
My art likes to pop up in unexpected ways in unexpected places. My art likes to grow unfettered and unchecked, without rules! without meetings, without approvals, without government grants.
Not to take away from art that is those things, or those artists who have found success in the mainstream, but who is more ‘successful’ anyways? Roses or carrots?
“Artists need to be associative, don’t expect them to be cognitive”
~ Lewis Baumander
I read an article musing over how production companies can better find and create lasting relationships with creators. I wish the writers of that piece had asked me that question, because to me, a creative, the answer is clear: You're going to have to be really smart about where you look, because you can’t catch a fish that doesn’t want to be caught. Or in my case, a fish that isn’t sure it wants to be caught. In fact, I have effectively stopped at the side of the road where if you drove by you would see my artist and my ego arguing over a map as to which direction their destination should ultimately lie. Ego, insisting that the ultimate fulfillment lies in rising showily with a crown of brightly coloured petals for all to witness and admire while Artist yearns to root deeper and burrow further into nutrient rich loamy soil, finding nuance and joy in adventures that can only be found in deep fathoms under the boulders of life’s deceptions. A quiet subtle place where discoveries aren’t celebrated or rewarded; just observed curiously, learned from, then let go.
I don’t know if or how my ego and my artist can resolve this lovers’ spat, as ultimately I guess the one can’t exist without the other. I guess for the next while anyways it will appear on the outside that both are attempting to drive the car, erratically steering in stops and starts.
So does this mean I am getting older and wiser, seeing the truth of the world and what really matters, what fulfillment and happiness really mean to me? Am I simply and finally starting to define what it is I want? Is my ego dying? Or, as someone who admittedly has only seen ‘real’ success as it gets carried past them like hors d’oeuvres on a tray meant for the VIP room, am I just talking myself into settling for less, taking the easy road, buying into fear and crappy core beliefs, giving up? To add another layer to this:
The recent unexpected turn of world-wide events definitely colours my moral dilemma- as due to Covid19 my small business is permanently on hold as it existed before March, and my role as the primary childcare provider in our home is now my full-time function. There’s just no time for lofty dreams / unpaid creative work with two young children right now.
As Erin Tolley recently tweeted: “Many moms have decided to quit work to care for and homeschool kids. This shouldn’t be seen as inevitable or necessary. It’s a preventable loss of talent, and it suggests, as always, women’s work is unvalued, undervalued and largely disposable. Not having a plan...robs all of us of women’s economic and social contributions.”
(If I may diverge: I don’t have artists in my employ. But I kindly suggest to anyone reading this that does has taken into consideration childcare issues / sacrifices that are being made by employees and their spouses so your company can forge onwards with little to no disruption.)
You know, a part of me is excited that I am faced with this huge opportunity to pivot in a new direction right now. A chance to reshape and evolve into something new and refreshing and hopefully at the same time fulfilling and sustainable. But I don’t know what’s going to happen to my brand. I don’t know what I should do next.
One thing I do know for sure is that the universe rewards jumping with hope and faith into the void. As a favorite Second City teacher Steve Morel once said to us: “Always Dive into the Deep End of the Shit Pool.” Ha! Now that would be a GREAT TikTok …