Art of Not Giving a Damn to Stop Feeling Guilty

In Our today's social-media controlled society – people's complete acceptance at face-value [of the posts showing] "how my life is so stunningly rocking and exciting and beautiful than yours" has created a whole generation of people with FOMO*s [fear of missing out] and people with emotional insecurities.

This phenomenon has also made people believe that having the negative experiences, emotions and feelings of anxiety*, fear*, guilt etc. etc. IS NOT OKAY AT ALL.

Irrespective of who you are and how well you are doing professionally, socially, financially and otherwise –chances are that you would have gone through multiple instances which gave rise to the feelings of Guilt*, Shame*, Regrets*, Embarrassment* and other similarly disempowering emotions and feelings .

In reality - Most of these feelings are of temporary nature and with passage of time – the uneasy, discomfort-able, nagging-painful-feelings fade on their own.

And even in those cases where the incidents have significant impact - Emotionally mature people are able to feel, face, grow-above and overcome their unresourceful states to get on with their lives by putting these mistakes behind.

Whereas for many people - some of the instances and the subsequently triggered feelings become their life-long tormentor and create psychological /emotional issues needing expert professional help.

Here in this article we will understand the psychology behind our guilt, shame, regret and self-blame AND learn the ways to deal with them in more effective and healthier manner.

We need to understand that our life is full of many-many small as well as big events, instances, events and incidences.

These are our stories of life and there is a cause, consequence and cost of each of our stories.

Then everything that we choose* to do or not do in our lives too have relevant consequences and costs.

But the problem becomes critical when we sweat the small stuff – this will not evident when we are going through a particular phase BUT in hindsight many of these incidents that made you feel bad about yourself is ACTUALLY LOOKS insignificant.

Another cause is Most of us have mastered the art of being major in minor and simmering in the swamp of smaller issues.

Why we feel the Regrets, the Guilts, The Shames, The Embarrassments

1.      The current economic, political, social and religious climate have conditioned us to be obsessively focused on unrealistically positive

2.     Expectations of Being better/smarter/faster/richer/sexier/more-popular/hour-glass-fit/ a nicer job/ a flashy car/ a prettier girlfriend etc. etc.

3.     All these [better ]stuff that we have subconsciously bought-in is actually fixated on what we lack and on our perceived personal shortcomings and weaknesses – as a result we try to learn all the ways to make money because we feel we don’t have enough OR try to be fairer OR be more admired

4.     This POSITIVE-THEORY – talks in terms of permanence – the live happily ever-after concept

5.     Because of these - While dealing with any difficult-person*, any big disappointment, a tough situation, crisis* and setbacks or any adversity – we REACT* instead of responding of some kind - that is not very empowering*

6.     We overreact AND We compare* with others based on their social media posts

7.     We blow things out of proportion

8.    We get anxious about confronting a difficult situation* or a difficult person – thinking constantly about this anxiety makes you become anxious about being anxious – AND – this makes you feel guilty, inadequate, ashamed

9.     It puts us in a vicious cycle – as We feel guilty for feeling guilty OR We get angry about getting angry and thereby making us even madder

10. Because we are immobilized by low pay-off* issues - We lose sight of our big picture and thereby we live our lives as in perpetual big emergency

11.  This focus on the negatives many times manage to annoy people who could assist us in reaching to our goals

12. Often, we are busy dealing with one drama after another

13. We are unable to recognize that the way we perceive our situation AND NOT THE SITUATION THEMSELVES – that has a lot to do with most of our pains

14. We just can't let-go*

15. For us Failures, mistakes and hurt become the permanent part of our life – to impact our as well as future of those who are depending on us

How to handle it – like all my blogs all the *marked ones have detailed DIY blog on that topic

1.      Understand that WHILE THERE IS NOTHING WRONG TO BE WANTING TO MAKE YOUR LIFE BETTER – focusing* on wrong or low-priority* values WILL MAKE YOUR LIFE HELL

2.     If we are working crazily – because we want something JUST BECAUSE someone else has it – we have already set us up for major disappointments and pains

3.     If we are literately giving F*ck about too many low-value objectives – then our life is definitely going to be F*cked – if it is not already so

4.   Identify what is - for full read "How to Stop Feeling Guilty" in success unlimited mantra Blog for DIY tips - from the heart of Subhashis