The Art of Not Giving a Crap

As I sit here and my mind wonders about how to start this post; I remember all these funny, heartbreaking and beautiful stories about my life.

Where do I start. I feel maybe the book is a good place to start as an analogy.

So I finally publish a book. One of the best things I have ever done and also one of the most challenging. Well I made it the most challenging in my own head!

The one question I get asked about all the time after I published the book is “How long did it take me?” I published a book, does it matter how long it took! I felt like it took BLOODY FOREVER is what I want to say; however I always reply with - a few years and I wish I knew it was going to be as easy as it was as I would have done it sooner. The one thing that made the difference to finally, yes I mean finally after years writing it, was that I did not care what people might have thought of it. Crazy I know! It was the one blocker for me to get it finally finished. Then I decided I didn’t give a crap what others thought, only what I thought and what I accomplished. Easy isn’t it? Maybe not as easy as we think.

So here I am writing a new book, which has nothing to do with leadership. Well kind of does; it is a book about how to rock the world. So yeah it is about leadership. Again.

Then my sister says to me that I need to read this book called the Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fu*k by Mark Manson. The title intrigued me of course, and I read it. Yes there are a lot of Fu*ks in the book and it pretty much covers what I thought about life and yet had not been able to put my finger or maybe that word on it.

Thing is; it is true. Let me explore this with you as it is something I practice (well most days) and something I teach and coach in all my work. Essentially it is learning how to focus and prioritise your thoughts effectively – and how to pick and choose what matters to you and what does not matter to you based on your finely honed personal values? In turn, it is about the choices we make everyday. Bingo! Easy…

However, what resonated to me was the way he talks about how we NEED the negative experiences and struggles in our lives. Sometimes we need to get off this ban wagon of everything is perfect, let’s dance on the positive life of rainbows and post the 80,000 great things we have and do each day on Facebook - and maybe focus on the struggles and negatives. We are human if you had forgotten. We need the negatives to truly appreciate the positives. Side note - If you have not been exposed to Brene Brown’s work please google her too.

Let me share this with you, the most negative and devastating thing that happened in my life 13 years ago; ended up being the most defining and powerful change in my world. It was that day I made a choice to reinvent myself and reframed the experience (yes I did spend days crying in a corner grieving as well) as one which will make me. Have this ever happened to you? A negative experience ending up being a powerful or life changing one? However we don’t take risks or even believe in ourselves, as we fear the one thing that could shake us up?

In turn, there are days where I feel building and growing an amazing business whilst being a full time solo mum is such an incredible and exhausting struggle, but I get up and do it everyday. Why? Because it is my life and there are many great positive experiences that come out of it.

Let me share how I see myself. I am courageous and brave everyday. I am different and unique and I embrace this everyday. I don’t compare or try to be the greatest. I am enough and I am great already. I don’t think I am special or better than anyone else; I am living my life to the fullest to make a difference. Thing is; we are all special and we are all great.

So here I am, trying to make a difference to the world. Okay maybe not trying, I know I do. The one thing that has made the biggest impact to me making a difference is this - I don’t give a crap. I don’t give a crap with what people think that don’t matter to me, to the thoughts that don’t serve me, the worry and stress about things I have no control over and I don’t give a crap on the little things that don’t matter. I give a crap about my purpose, what makes me different, why I make a difference and how, my daughter and her well being and those people and parts of my life that mater. Truly matter. Yes holy crap; simple.

So where am I going with this. Yes it is about not giving a crap, it is about focus and choices and being the unique person you are. What it is really about and something I speak about all the time in my speaking and leadership work is –

We are going to die. Yes all of us.

I want to focus on only giving a crap about what I can do each day to be the best leader and person I can be. This is what leadership and life means to me. Not giving a crap about all the bells and whistles; but giving a crap on how I can make a difference to those and the world around me. How I can be the ripple effect.

Mark Twain once said –

“The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at anytime.”

I am not prepared to die anytime soon, however I know that I am not afraid to live life and go for it.

As Mark states in his book –

“You only have a limited about of fu*ks to give. So you must choose them wisely.”

That’s why I am writing my second book. I really give a fu*k about it.

Give this a go, and watch your world transform. Practice the art of not giving a crap or giving a crap on what matters and let me know how you go!

Don’t be afraid. You got this.