THE ART OF DIVORCE MEDIATION: THE IMPORTANCE OF PERSPECTIVE-TAKING

Divorce mediation is a delicate process that demands effective communication and negotiation skills. Miscommunication during this emotionally charged phase can lead to impasses and premature breakdowns in negotiations. In particular, the frustration arising from lack of perspective can drive one spouse to prematurely give up on divorce mediation and foreclose on any opportunity to reach a successful divorce settlement.

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Perspective-taking by the Divorce Mediator is a crucial negotiation skill that enhances his discovery of joint gains, makes groups more effective, reduces stereotypical thinking, and aids conflict resolution. While some Divorce Mediators are naturally adept at perspective-taking, various scenarios and emotional states can hinder this ability. Time pressure, attention demands, and power dynamics are factors that impede perspective-taking. Strong-minded spouses and/or their lawyers often give less thought to how others view a situation, assuming their perspective is sufficient. Emotions, such as anger and anxiety, can also interfere with making accurate inferences about others' perspectives.

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A 2019 study by Jeremy A. Yip and Maurice E. Schweitzer (https://oid.wharton.upenn.edu/profile/yip/#research) revealed that anger significantly impairs perspective-taking. Anger induces a state of high arousal, promoting self-centered thinking and self-interested behavior. Participants induced to feel anger exhibited lower perspective-taking abilities compared to those induced to feel sadness, disgust, or neutrality. Further experiments in the same study showed that recognizing and labeling anger can mitigate its impact on perspective-taking.

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Divorce Mediators who facilitated the spouses’ capacity to label their feelings as angry were as skilled at perspective-taking as those in a neutral state. This suggests that acknowledging anger helps avoid egocentric biases that hinder communication, facilitating creative thinking and mutually beneficial solutions. Whether it's our own anger or the other spouse losing their equilibrium, taking a break and then calmly discussing the tension can foster perspective-taking. This approach by the Divorce Mediator creates an environment conducive to creative problem-solving and paves the way for mutually agreeable solutions.

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In conclusion, effective Divorce Mediation requires a nuanced understanding of perspective-taking and adept management of emotions and adviser relationships. By recognizing the impact of anger, adopting strategies to address it, and maintaining clear communication with lawyers, Divorce Mediators can help spouses navigate miscommunication pitfalls and foster successful negotiations during the challenging process of divorce.?

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Steve Benmor, B.Sc., LL.B., LL.M. (Family Law), is the founder and principal lawyer of Benmor Family Law Group, a boutique matrimonial law firm in downtown Toronto.?He is a Certified?Specialist?in Family Law and was admitted as a Fellow to the prestigious International Academy of Family Lawyers. Steve is regularly retained as a Divorce Mediator, Arbitrator and Parenting Coordinator. As a?Divorce Mediator, Steve uses his 30 years of in-depth knowledge of family law,?court-room experience?and expert problem-solving skills in Divorce Mediation to help spouses reach fair, fast and cooperative divorce settlements without the financial losses, emotional costs and lengthy delays from divorce court.?