The Art of the Apology

Everyone makes mistakes. The only people who do not make mistakes are people who do absolutely nothing. When you picture those people, think of an ex, a lazy relative, or a crotchety old person peeping out their window, perhaps yelling out phrases like, “Get off my lawn!” Or, picture a nasty internet troll in their robe and slippers, tapping away their anger with a world that is not thrilled with their toxic negativity. Part of living, growing, and learning is making mistakes. Accept it, embrace it, and move on. Forgive yourself for the problem and figure out how you are going to become a better person. Then, apologize.

These rules work in life and in business. Admit it, own it, fix it, and make amends. As we tell children, “I am sorry means not doing it again.” There has been a trend for businesses, governments, athletes, performers, religious leaders, and others to publicly apologize for imperfect behavior. Most of the public apologies do not sound sincere, but some do, and a proper apology works. So, what is a proper apology and how is it executed?

Admitting that harm occurred is key. This validates the feelings of the other party. Remember, we do not get to decide whether someone is hurt by our actions. We are only in control of our actions. Covering up bad behavior or lying and saying that it never occurred is invalidating to the person who was wounded. Pointing fingers is also unhelpful, and saying that it is the wounded party’s fault that you did something wrong is even less so. However, this is a common theme for people who are busily setting patterns as opposed to simply making mistakes.

Take it a step further. Do not just admit the mistake happened, but admit to your part in it. Yes, it could have been mainly the fault of another and it could have been a complete accident. Accept some responsibility. Most accidents could have been prevented. Take the time to understand the extent of the injury. Just because you do not feel or see something does not mean it does not exist.

Make steps toward fixing the problem, and outline those steps for the offended party. Ask for their input. When you humble yourself and genuinely ask for someone’s input, they are less likely to tell you to “stick it where the sun doesn’t shine.” They still might, but they are decidedly less likely. This is one way to turn an enemy into a loyal friend. While we are often exasperated by our own weakness, showing a little humanity goes a long way toward building friendships.

Once you have done the first steps, wait. Admittance, ownership, prevention, and sincerity allow you the opportunity to grow. The wounded party may need time to see that growth. Build a better pattern. Know that everyone makes mistakes. Accept it, embrace it, and move on.