The art of (always) being right

Arthur Schopenhauer (22 February 1788 – 21 September 1860) was a German nihilist philosopher. In 1831, he wrote the book ‘The art of being right’ and was accused by the public opinion of putting together a guide that contains every manipulative trick one can think of.

How could a philosopher, a man dedicated by default to finding and honoring the one objective truth redact a book that trains the reader into twisting it towards their benefit?

To understand Schopenhauer’s mindset, we need to define why we need to (always) be right to begin with. Everything in this life is pretty much the outcome of a negotiation. Every time you ask someone for something, or someone asks something from you, you enter a negotiation’s field and you become a Player yourself. For example, when you ask your boss for more responsibilities, that’ s a negotiation. When you ask your colleague to change shifts, that’ s also a negotiation. Even when you ask for a discount, a gift, or a compliment, that’ s a negotiation. The reality is that we always want other people’s things, and they always want ours as well. The resources for happiness are limited and every time you gain something, someone else is losing it. That’ s why life is a constant fight. We need to fight not only for expansion but also for preservation purposes. The fact that something is already yours does not mean that you won’t have to negotiate for it at some point in your life.

The truth is that Schopenhauer never aimed to create a tricking manual. As a nihilist, he was also deeply cynical and in a perfect understanding with our morally flexible human nature. The reason that he wrote this book is because for starts he wanted people to be able to recognize all these tactics when someone uses them in a negotiation field. If you don’t view the world as a battlefield, that doesn’t necessarily mean that you are a better person, but it does mean that you are a less prepared one. Battlefield of course is not used in a bullet - exchange sense, but in a benefit - conflicting one. If you aren’t ready to be assertive enough, according to Schopenhauer, the least you can do is to recognize other people’s violative assertiveness and revoke it. Also according to him, truth isn’t really important if you can’t persuade anyone about it. Is it really true if no one believes it?

Sometimes we all need to come down to the old, Machiavellian principle of ‘the end justifies the means. It’s easy to say: ‘no I would never use a manipulative tactic on someone just to get it my way!’, but are you 100% sure that no one would do it to you as well? And if you aren’t 100% sure and you do believe that someone could actually be manipulative and hard and dishonest, can you really judge how a person manages to survive in a pathogenic, unfair, discriminating society?

Everyone will normally do the best they can to win, and you should be prepared to negotiate anyway, no matter the outcome.

Entering a negotiation’s field, everyone is armed upfront with a variety of weapons. These weapons can be abstract like status, beauty, intelligence, and humor or extremely concrete like money, hierarchy, expertise. Also, during a negotiation process, obstacles might come across that are either objective or subjective.

The first mistake we do when negotiating is underestimating the abstract weapons.

In psychology, there are mind tactics called defense mechanisms that help us manage our inner conflict or stress about something or someone. A rather immature defense mechanism, but still quite popular, is called splitting and it’ s when you either find something absolutely perfect or absolutely awful. Like when someone is your friend, everything about this person is amazing but if it’ s your enemy, everything is bad or indifferent. It is quite usual that during negotiations we use splitting to weaken the stress our opponent causes us, thinking he’ s unworthy. People are not caricatures though and we don’t live in a Manichaestic universe, where you’ re either illuminated or evil, total black versus total white. We are all grey. We are all complex, full of strengths and weaknesses. Basically, you are a product of your gifts multiplied with your challenges, divided with the defense mechanisms you use to handle your anxiety and so is your opponent. If you are smart and pretty and the other guy is ugly and stupid, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be afraid. That means you should be afraid two times more. He made it so far, sitting right across the table negotiating with you with no apparent skills… which can only indicate there are skills you don’t recognize and that’s dangerous.

The second mistake we make when negotiating is that we tend to confuse subjective with objective obstacles…

…meaning, we either quit too fast or never let go on situations we should have. Having huge faith on your powers or no faith at all is equally damaging and all extremes lead to new extremes. When you aren’t sure how to act, always go for temperateness, it’s the safest bet in the long run.

And now, the one-million-dollar question: Can a negotiation be ethical?

In general, all of us have a moral compass that shows us when our boundaries have been violated or when we have violated someone else’s boundaries. Even when we comfortably operate in grey zones (a skill highly valued in the modern professional reality), a person can still be morally flexible without losing touch with their moral compass, as long as it exists, and it’s constituted by specific, unbreakable values. When you are needed to do something controversial, always ask yourself: what’ s the bigger picture here? Is the bigger picture consistent with my deeper, core values?

And for the more skeptical ones, the two-million-dollars question: Why should we care?

We should care because every negotiation comes with a transactional cost and relationships build up. Does winning the argument worth harming the relationship? You might trick yourself into a win, but next time your opponent will know you cheated and what happens when you are in a long-term commitment with this specific opponent?

Sometimes we win, sometimes we lose. But having the integrity to maintain our consistency during both situations is character, and while character can ’t guarantee that you always win, it will gain you respect and appreciation, and those two skills are the most important weapons you can have on board, entering your next negotiation’s field.