The Art of Active Listening
David Grossman
CEO @ The Grossman Group | Internal and leadership communications | Emerging leader advocate
Perhaps you’ve heard the quote “There’s a difference between listening and waiting for your turn to speak.” The concept might seem simple, but active listening – that is, fully concentrating on what’s being said – takes work and practice. And the results can make a significant difference in the quality of relationships, followership and overall results.
Five Steps for Sharpening Your Listening Ears
While there may not be an actual formula for active listening, there are steps you can take to become a better listener. Even if you already feel like you’re a good listener, it never hurts to brush up on these skills as listening is an irreplaceable tool in your communications toolkit.
1. Focus.
Make eye contact with the person who is talking with you and give them your full attention. This means putting your phone away and not letting anything distract you.
2. Confirm with the source and ask clarifying questions.
The best way to reinforce that you are listening while also making sure you are accurately understanding what someone is saying is to restate what you have heard to check your understanding. Use phrases like:
- “What I’m hearing you say is…”
- “What I’m understanding from you is…”
- “Is it fair to say that what you are most concerned about is…”
- “Did you say that [x] is your top priority?”
3. Listen with all your senses.
Do you hear that the person is talking loud? That could be an indication of frustration or anger. Do you see that he or she is avoiding eye contact with you? Perhaps there is an issue of shyness or feeling intimidated. Are their arms crossed? They might be feeling defensive.
4. Remain neutral.
You must be aware of your own feelings, biases and opinions, so they don’t affect what you’re hearing.
- Avoid getting defensive. If someone has a criticism, remain open minded by saying something like: “Thanks. I’m glad to know that. Let’s talk about what we can do to fix that.”
- Don’t let an area of friction derail the entire conversation. If the speaker seems hung-up on one particular issue, try moving the conversation along by saying something such as: “Thanks. I’m glad to know that. What else is on your mind?”
- Agree to disagree to avoid getting emotional. Calmly state something like. “I understand your point. We just disagree on this one.”
5. Genuinely listen.
Let the speaker finish his or her thoughts before you begin evaluating what they are saying. That may require taking a thoughtful pause before you respond. And don’t get distracted by thinking about what you’re going to say next instead of listening to what they’re saying.
Don't Forget This Critical Action
Even when you apply each of these steps, there is one critical action that you must remember to apply after the conversation: follow up. If you’ve committed or agreed to do something, such as sharing information via email later, make sure you do it. The best listening may seem to fall on deaf ears if the receiver doesn’t take action as spurred by the conversation.
How well do you truly listen? Take this Listening Quiz…the results may just surprise you.
—David Grossman
This article originally appeared on the leadercommunicator blog.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
David Grossman helps leaders drive productivity and get the results they want through authentic and courageous leadership communication. He’s a sought-after speaker and advisor to Fortune 500 leaders. A three-time author, David is CEO of The Grossman Group, an award-winning Chicago-based strategic leadership development and internal communication consultancy; clients include: Astellas, Eastman, Health Quest, Hill-Rom, Lockheed Martin, McDonald’s, Microsoft, NYU Langone Health, Tenneco and Wyndham, to name a few.
A frequent media source for his expert commentary and analysis on employee and leadership issues, David has been featured on “NBC Nightly News,” CBS MoneyWatch, WSJ.com, TODAY.com, in the Chicago Tribune and the LA Times.
Among recent communication and leadership accolades, his leadercommunicator blog was named the #1 Blog on Communication by Feedspot.
David also teaches the graduate-level Building Internal Engagement course at Columbia University. Click these links to follow him on Twitter @ThoughtPartner and Facebook and to connect on LinkedIn.
Proud owner of K & J Crane Service, Llc
6 年Send this to J. Lol
People Developer | Client Experience Champion | Dynamic Facilitator | Quote Collector
6 年Such a great article David! Thanks! An invaluable soft skill to transcend all relationships. If I could add a few recommendations: - If not in person, every once in awhile, repeat/rephrase to ensure understanding and to show attentiveness. - While your listening if you have questions and you worry about forgetting them (read as memory old, full and exhausted) - take notes. - To take it to the next level so there is no misunderstanding, let the person know you may write notes so they don’t think you’re making a shopping list or doodling. - If in person, lean into the conversation literally. Body language is an indicator as are facial expressions of your engagement. - Nonverbals are a great way to let the speaker know you’re still with them (head nods, smiles, “um-hmm” and the like) So many squirrels running around.
at
6 年Great article.?
President at The Finnamore Group Inc.
6 年No one needs help to be a better listener, I think. How would one listen to a doctor who is explaining critical test results? Would they check their phones during the conversation? Would they look at their watches? We all know how to listen - the issue, perhaps is caring to; wanting to. That, I am persuaded, is what we all should reflect on. Ferenc, your post makes me think about that anew - thank you.
President at The Finnamore Group Inc.
6 年Communication has become almost a competitive exercise in NA at least, where the "listener" is the first one to have to draw a breath.