Arrogance and Lifeboats

I have had a fantastic first half of my career and consistently hope for 20 more years of meaningful work. I have chased achievement and success and discovered that I could not recognize being well if I fell into it, which I have done several times. I have a remarkable ability to identify failure, even when it could be a success. Live and learn, no?

Early in my career, it was enough to outwork peers, identify what brought value to the executives, and provide it. I discovered that skipping levels of management and having the C-suite see you as one type of employee while your department saw you as an outcome of their efforts had its issues. Executive visibility creates a world of high performance and recognition but no advancement. Not what I wanted at all. I was doing these things to advance.

Later, I fell into a different trap, where the roles were what I wanted, and I felt fulfilled. Unfortunately, the desire for advancement would lead to discontent. That desire is not insignificant; desire is not a bad thing, as I learned when a leader explained that they all thought I would self-select out much earlier than I had, and they were thrilled to have me in the role as long as they did. Desire should have pulled me away, but the culture was strong.

I then found great happiness in a role with all the warning signs to know it was a problem from the jump. In interviews, leaders explained why I was a poor fit, and I dismissed their guidance. I loved this role and all that I was learning. I had fuller access to strategy and management than ever before and was pleased with my role. While I was still doing well, I was let go, not because of some internal fear but because I was a malcontent who didn't fall into line and who wanted to work with that kind of employee. It was my fault for not recognizing when to do what I was asked. My bosses may reconsider things, but I could not. It was a hard lesson to know I blew it, but one I had to accept.

I then began my period of jumping to the next lifeboat. I had connections and a reputation and used them to secure a series of ill-fitting roles. These roles tended to be loosely defined and contained overlap with others, but I ran to them as the single earner for my family. They were with people who I knew and respected, who were referred to me, and who wanted them to work out each time. Unbeknownst to me, each would have a calamity that would begin a downward spiral, finally becoming a death dive in my career.

The first one took me home to Boston, but it was a lesser role and became a place to try to fit in, only to discover I could not. It ended

The second was a leap back to familiarity with a leader recruiting me since we parted years before. This time, the company was running in an older model of business that needed a technological evolution that had started, but a pandemic slammed on the brakes, and the world shook beneath us. It also ended.

The third was a leadership team of great friends undergoing traumatic separations from their dear friends whom they began the business with; my talking and strategizing for change management and transformation could not have been worse timing for their situation. It ended.

I then was referred to a new role. I was excited as the interviews went into great detail about what was needed, and I felt a great synergy with those plans. At this point, jumping from lifeboat to lifeboat had made me very optimistic that the next one would bring the stability I needed. For the first several quarters, it did. I grew the team, aligned to goals, and felt like I was rowing in synch. Then it flipped its strategy aggressively targeted to return to the way things were, the death knell for an innovation guy who never thinks that. This role would end as the others had. I wanted to fight for it, but then I accepted it. It ended.

I can look back and see the times I could have changed and made a role extend, but now I accept that, like all relationships, they will end when they are wrong. It is a fact that I have to take and not look back with sadness but with what I have collectively learned in my lifeboat phase.

Work is about something other than the title, job description, or the people as much as I hoped. It is about culture and what is valued. The culture was evident at some of my places of work and in flux at others. Alignment in culture will be what I seek as I progress forward. A culture that I rebelled against way back at HP is now what I seek: a circle of life of sorts.

These were hard lessons for me; I lost my home, savings, internal compass, and probably more I will discover as time passes. I also learned that when I stick to who I know I am, even if it doesn't work, there is no blame, as I went out with integrity and a sense of self. My career will begin again for me, but I hope you can learn from these lessons and see some of what I couldn't in your life.

It begins.