The Arrival Fallacy: Are You Falling Into This Trap?

Who else was glued to the Olympics? Wasn’t it fantastic?! So many incredible achievements to be inspired by.

Like so many people across the world (and certainly it felt like every woman or girl I spoke to!) I was entranced by Simone Biles’s achievements in the gymnastics – she truly is quite extraordinary. Having done gymnastics as a kid (albeit very poorly) I am always amazed at what is possible!

And today I want to focus on something I learned in the Netflix documentary Simone Biles Rising because it struck me as being something that afflicts so many successful people I work with.

Following her first Olympics back in 2016, at which she was so successful (winning 4 gold and 1 bronze medals), Simone fell into a depression. Just as everyone expected her to be riding high she came crashing down.

And this is something I am sure many of you have experienced: you have achieved your goals and yet you feel empty, or you immediately shift your focus to what’s next, not taking a moment to celebrate your success.

This leads us to constantly be looking at the next mountain to climb – I’ll be happy when I get that promotion, or when I have the C-suite title, or when I earn $xx. Yet each time we feel good for a minute and then we fall back to earth with a bump.

This phenomenon is known as the arrival fallacy (the term is credited to Dr Tal Ben-Shahar) and it describes the illusion that if we can just achieve this one thing then we will be happy, and the truth is that there is no arriving. We find ourselves in a loop which can lead to constant state of dissatisfaction and stress as we are always chasing the next thing.

Biologically what happens is that as we are chasing and hit the big goals our brains are flooded with dopamine. After the goal is reached the dopamine levels fall, and our mood returns to its baseline level or even lower as the happiness we expected has not materialised.

I know from my own experience that it can be very easy to get caught in this arrival fallacy, thinking that if I had the next promotion I would be happy and I can tell you it only ever worked temporarily!

Be honest with yourself, are you expecting an external event or achievement to provide you with lasting happiness and fulfilment?

So what can we do?

• Take time to celebrate your victories, even the small ones and practice gratitude for how far you have come at this stage
• Connect more deeply to the purpose underlying the goal so that you can find fulfilment in the process and sustain your motivation to keep moving towards your aspirations
• Learn to ground yourself in the present moment, appreciating what you have and where you are right now rather than always looking to the horizon – one of the things I was very struck by when listening to Simone Biles is that she loves to be in the gym
• Develop confidence in who you are, without the titles or the status

This work starts from the inside out and understanding yourself for as the old saying goes:

“Wherever you go, there you are”

With love,

Sue

WHAT I AM READING

To learn more about the arrival fallacy you can read this article from the meditation app Calm .

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