The Arrival Fallacy

I bet you have a sense of what I’m talking about when I say, “the arrival fallacy.” It’s the idea that once we reach a goal—the next big promotion, finding our dream partner, taking that big vacation, having a certain amount of money, or retiring—we will finally be happy. But in reality, our achieved goals rarely measure up to our expectations, and as a result we often experience a letdown. The secret to avoiding the arrival fallacy is to not base our happiness on future goals, instead, to enjoy the ride.

One of the gifts of writing a regular newsletter is I get to remind myself of what is important. I’ve spent a lot of time waiting this month, and thinking, “when the construction on my house is done (as an example), then I can do xyz, and can relax, and move forward.” As is often the case, the construction is taking a lot longer. I am reminded of the many things I don’t control in the world—other people being at the top of the list. What I can control are my own actions and reactions. I am in charge of my own peace of mind, even when (especially when) things don’t go the way I’d like them to go.

Life is a journey, an adventure. Many of us spend a lot of our time not being present to the journey. It’s easy to get caught up thinking about things from the past or focusing on things in the future instead of paying attention to the very moment we are in. How often do our minds wander throughout the day, thinking about all the things we have to do, instead of enjoying what is right in front of us?

View today of the Eastern Sierra Nevadas from Nevada

All we truly have in life is each moment. We are not guaranteed the next. We can’t control the future and we can’t change the past. All we have is the moment we are in right now. Sometimes our present moment may not be so pleasant. But being able to find joy in the present, even in the not-so-great times, is very powerful. In our extremely busy world, we seek respite in our screens and hyper-focus on the next shiny, or disastrous, new thing. It’s easy to view happiness as something that exists in the future. If we just slog away for now, we think, we will eventually be happy.

There have been numerous studies on happiness and end-of-life regrets , and happiness boils down to a few factors: relationships, being present/spirituality, and appreciating what you have. The bottom line is we are happiest when we’re having experiences with people we care about; when we are connected to the present moment and with something greater than ourselves; and when we focus on being grateful for what we do have, not what we want.

Goals are important. Essential. But the act of creating goals, and moving toward them, is more rewarding than actually reaching them. Consider setting some short-term goals that align with what really brings us joy: plan an adventure with a friend, spend some time walking in nature, take time each morning and/or evening thinking about all you have to be grateful for—starting with the people in your life.

Tonight at 11:24 p.m. PDT, there is a new moon—another new beginning. This moon is also?the first new moon of the astrological year, so it's another opportunity to set goals for the year. In addition, it's the first new moon of Spring for those of us in the Northern Hemisphere. There is magic energy in the air when springtime rolls around. The flowers are blooming, the birds are chirping, the grass is getting greener, and the days are growing longer. It’s a time full of new life, renewal, and new beginnings. There is a sense of new possibilities, starting over, moving things forward, and embracing the joys in life.

Wishing you the very best in this moment,

Barbara