The Argument, Wanting Things & Another Exercise

However beautiful the strategy, you should occasionally look at the results. - Unknown

I love when we engage in arguments that essentially debate common sense. These conversations more commonly apply to our broader lives — but do occasionally rear their angry heads within the work life realm. There is no court to ultimately decide these matters. No final word. No prescription for resolution. So they remain untethered and largely unanswered.

One of these arguments is the notion of "wanting". (Please see an intriguing discussion of the matter in our lives here.)

My usual strategy is to stay on the sidelines & remain as far away from the fray as humanly possible and ruminate on the topic. Admittedly, I deplore discussions which leave no room for negotiation, revile disrespect for individual differences in work life and find myself shaking my head in disapproval when I come across those which are not informed by available data. The important bit is to simply take it all in, evaluate the good, throw out the bad and adjust. It's all we can do.

I see the "wanting" argument come up in coaching sessions. It usually begins with a statement similar to this, "I know I should be overjoyed to have a role such as this..." or "My friends & family think I am unrealistic....or "Everyone is telling me that I should accept some level of misery in work. It's work, after all". I get it, opening the flood gates of wanting is deemed a dangerous, winding road. We work within the confines of a team, an organization, an industry. How will discussing our wants lead us in the right direction?

However, the common responses quite simply sail us directly into work life oblivion. Something is likely missing in these roles and we know it. It is debating common sense to believe that wanting is going to simply go away.

Wanting is human and informs us about — well us.

The Crux of the Matter

The core here is that what we "want" within work life is often viewed as frivolous. Akin to selfishness. To "pie in the sky" thinking.

How dare we want things? But we do (and this is telling). As an observer, I can only make educated guesses concerning what people want and need from work life. The only real expert is the individual. As contributors, we should get in touch with ourselves and understand what we want. Certainly we can pose the argument that work life isn't always ideal, you should take what you can, shut up and feign happiness.

However, I am suggesting opting to go there and meet the so-called demon head on. Wanting is the key to knowing who we are and what we need. In this sense it is up to us to explore the issue — and get to the heart of the matter.

An Exercise

People change. Organizations change. Our work groups shift. There is no stopping the dynamic. Attempting to force your foot into a size 7 shoe, if you are now an 8 is a fruitless endeavor. If you have evolved professionally in 2022, will your role still fit as it stands?

How might you address the shift?

Well, to address "wanting", you need to carefully ponder what you do want. Let's call this list of "wants" your work life non-negotiables. The elements of work life that live at the heart of what makes you tick. Not frivolous. Vital.

I'm offering permission to want these things — to document them — but more importantly to begin seeking them in 2023.

So, draft a list of the 5 elements you deeply want in a role going forward. These "wants" are the elements that will build a work life that is aligned/productive for both you — and ultimately for your employer. (For even more discovery, write down your list of work life wants from 5 or 10 years ago and note how this has changed. How do things compare?)

Share what you've discovered in comments.

#BigIdeas2023

Marla Gottschalk, Ph.D. is an I/O Psychology Practitioner who explores core stability and the dynamic nature of work life. A charter member of the LinkedIn Top Voice Program, she helps teams & organizations on build stronger foundations through the practice of core stability. Her thoughts on work life have also appeared at the Harvard Business Review, Forbes, BBC Work Life, Quartz and The Huffington Post.