The Argument for Courtesy
Sometime last year I got into a kerfuffle online with a young lady who took umbrage at my criticism of Gary Sinise's comments about Democrats. He has been very critical of them, and is an unabashed right-winger.
This young woman, about two thirds my age, has a daughter who wants to be a Marine. She has confused Sinise's portrayal of Lt. Dan in the movie "Forrest Gump" with actual service the same way that a great many other American confuse actors with actual service. She says he's a hero.
The problem I have is that Sinise forgets that a great many of us who have served, given our lives, lost limbs, and a great deal more, are also Democrats. We are pro-choice, anti-gun (for good reason) and worked hard to keep the moron currently ruining our constitution out of office.
This young lady (at 64 everyone under 50 is young) is also one of those who assumes all fake news online is real. Her comments showed up on my thread, and I could see her leap to extreme reaction about news that to me was clearly unsupportable. I'd simply find the source, send it to her, and she'd calm down. And laugh about it.
You see, I'd taken the time to communicate with her, rather than battle. I worked to find common ground- which most of us don't care to do. She was itching for a fight that I refused to give her. What I did do was find areas where we agreed. And I honored her right to have an opinion. That we disagreed was part of what it meant to live in a free society. To her, Sinise is a great hero. Not to me. To me he's part of the problem, and his nefarious Hollywood activities speak to just how bad an actor he really is. He covers his extreme agenda with claims he supports veterans. Well, as long as they agree with him, that is. He'd throw me and my honorable service to the gutter in a heartbeat- because to him, I'm the enemy. I wonder: exactly what constitutes "hero?" A rich actor or someone who actually did serve?
What I learned from my exchanges with this woman was that with patience, and a willingness to work towards common ground, even on social media we can forge connections and agreement despite vast differences. It doesn't matter that she voted for Trump and I didn't. What mattered was that we were able to converse with respect in an environment where hate and vitriol are the primary means of discourse. I still think about her, and her daughter who wants to be a Marine. It was never my desire to change her mind. It was, however, my desire to have a respectful exchange with someone who initially seemed completely incapable of it. Yet she was in the end. And to me, that represented a victory, and it also proves that with common courtesy, there is hope for us all.