Aren't we all on the spectrum?

My teammate passed me the ball. I was standing right in front of the goal. The goalie, in an error of judgement, had moved way out to the side, so the goal was clear. I got the ball, and turned to shoot. It was the easiest goal in the world. A child could have hoofed it in. I kicked the ball...

.... and completely missed the goal.

Now, it is accurate to say both Lionel Messi and I play football. We do. But the differences between us - our experience, talent, skill, our presence on the world stage, literally everything - are so staggeringly huge that to compare us doesn't make any sense at all.

And if you can't see the parallels between that analogy and the title of this article, then you might as well stop reading now.

"Isn't everyone a bit autistic?"

"We all feel like that."

And of course, the old favourite:

"Aren't we all on the spectrum?"

Autistic people hear these phrases all the time, and we really hate it.

I'll tell you why.

It's not true

First and foremost, we autistics hate things that are wrong. By which I mean inaccurate.

We're not "all on the spectrum". Autism is a particular condition with a particular set of characteristics, which some of us have and some of you don't.

These characteristics are clearly defined. Some are generally positive, some are negative, and many are subjective (for example, to state that an interest is "obsessive" or that someone doesn't communicate "properly").

Now, it is true to say that some behaviours and feelings are universal. I mean, we all feel upset sometimes. We all have something that we're interested in. And we all get irritated by loud annoying noises, such as Nigel Farage's voice.

But with autism, it's the extent of these feelings and behaviours that is significant. As in the example with football at the beginning of this article, it's not what you do but how you do it, how much you do it, why you do it, and what happens when you don't do it.

In fact, that's part of the criteria for diagnosis - it's not just "do you really like books" but "do you have a million books, organise them by category, sub-category and sub-sub-category, and do you lose your watermelon when someone messes them up?"

No-one with any knowledge of autism, whether that's medical professionals, autistic people, or people who've spent any time attempting to understand us, would ever claim that "we're all a bit autistic". Because it's simply untrue.

It's insulting

Being autistic is pretty cool a lot of the time, but it doesn't come without its challenges. For some people, these challenges are severe and debilitating. Some autistic people have high support needs (that means they can't live independently and/or have great difficulty coping with things that most others find easy). Many, if not most, of us have mental health issues.

When you tell me "we're all a bit autistic", you're minimising the difficulties that I and my autistic brethren experience every day. Emotional regulation can be very hard for us, which means we find ourselves getting angry or frustrated over seemingly minor issues. We can get upset very easily, we don't always like being as sensitive as we are, and sometimes, we wish we could brush things off as easily as neurotypicals seem to.

Autistic people also struggle a lot with the everyday world. Many of us need a lot of support around us, whether that's in terms of sensory input (that would be things like having a quiet space, or having the freedom to move around) or in terms of people (being with those who make us feel safe and avoiding the ones who set our teeth on edge - oh look, we're back to Nigel Farage).

Saying that everyone is on the spectrum means you don't see our struggles. You're not trying to understand how difficult our lives can be. And maybe you don't even care.

It takes something away from us

The other side of people not understanding our difficulties is the failure to appreciate our strengths.

If you've followed me on any social media platform for any length of time, you'll be familiar with the extent to which I bang on about autistic strengths. It's something I experience myself of course, and something that I see in other autistic people every day. Attention to detail. Commitment. Loyalty. Being able to learn fast. Problem-solving. Wanting to understand something. Being able to see beauty where no-one else can. These strengths are not only good for us, but also help other people (if you don't believe me, grab an autistic next time you need something sorting out).

And let's not forget our resilience when it comes to being autistic in a world designed for normal people. Managing ourselves, and your expectations, mean even the least talented autistic is still exceptional - performing heroic feats every day.

When you say "everyone's a bit autistic" you ignore all of our brilliant abilities. You diminish our outstanding achievements, and pull us down to a level which is just average. And we spend so much of our lives battling against negativity - in school, at work, socially, even sometimes within our own families - that we really need to be appreciated for our positive attributes.

We're not like you!

It was my friend and colleague Patricia Gestoso-Souto who inspired me to write this article. She wanted to know what I thought of people saying "we're all on the spectrum" or "everyone's a bit autistic". And I think you can see by this article, that it is a comment that I find insulting and frustrating. It comes from a place of ignorance. But sometimes it comes from a desire to want to learn more.

People saying this aren't coming at me spoiling for a fight (which is good, because I'm too busy for a scrap round the back of McDonald's). They sometimes say it as an attempt to connect with me - trying to say they're like me, or that we all have many things in common. I get where they are coming from, but it doesn't really work. There is indeed more that unites us than divides us, but those are things like shared values, interests, and attitudes. Not being even "a little bit" autistic.

In conclusion

Being inclusive is about meeting someone where they are, and for who they are. It's understanding their challenges, appreciating their strengths and not trying to muscle in on their territory. It's about making someone feel welcome, like they're needed, and even if they're not Lionel Messi, they're still a valuable human being.

For more information about autism, have a look at my website .