These aren't Stop Signs

I recently spoke to the a schoolfriend of my son who was really nervous about doing a presentation and he wanted me to help her.

What hit me so clearly was that the things this lovely 11 year old was telling me were the exact things I hear 30, 40 and 50something women tell me all the time.

What if it doesn't come out right?

What if they think I'm stupid?

What if they think I shouldn't be talking about that?

What if the people who do tell me that I did a good job are just saying that to make me feel good but really also think I'm stupid.

 If these questions sound familiar, you aren't alone.

These are the standard questions of a human brain.

They're there to be answered and become problematic - way bigger than they should be - when we don't answer them because the same brain that can drive us to the Supermarket and back literally without thinking automates them for us. 

What we think often enough, our brain starts to think for us. That's our brain's job. To flag recurring thoughts as noteworthy and delegate them to default thinking.

What most of us have not learned to do is finish the conversation our brain has started with us when it throws one of these questions out.

We haven't learned to take that question in our hands and have a conversation - with kindness - to the very end of the conversation.

Instead, we freeze. The thought feels frightening and we take it as a stop sign.

I shouldn't say this. Too much is at stake. 

We're believing it won't come out right, so not getting it out at all.

We're believing a discussion our brain wants to have - a perfectly normal question from a perfectly human brain - is a STOP sign, when it isn't.

It's a human needing reassurance.

Take the thought out into your hand and imagine holding it.

So what IF it doesn't come out right?

Will you say it again? Re-phrase it. Take the time to ask if anyone has any questions?

And how can you prepare today to help it come out right?

Practice on your friend? Write it out and get the order clear in your mind?

 And 

What IF they think you're stupid?

Do you think you're stupid?

Why? Why not?

 Is there something you'd like to learn about, read up on or practice doing? Why not plan in time to do that?

 Self-love is such a hot topic.

Buying nice things and pampering ourselves... I don't think this is really what self love is.

 I think self-love is a practice of having conversations with ourselves when we need them.

Of giving attention, time and kindness to our own selves when we're in need of it.

And like any practice, this takes time. If you can catch just one of those thoughts a day and give it just three minutes of your time, consider what the compound effect of that would be in a week, a month, year?

Let me know how this goes for you if you try it!

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