April 2020 has been the Cruelest Month

“April is the cruelest month….” When I read that poem by T.S. Eliot in high school, I never really thought twice about it. He was writing a poem about how the beauty of Spring is such a contrast to the dark despair of his mind. Unfortunately, I’m starting to see things Eliot’s way as April 2020 has been a pretty darn cruel month! When you lose your job during a pandemic and find that most opportunities that you would be qualified for are frozen, paused, or just gone, that’s certainly cruel. Then to have to say goodbye to a beloved companion of 10 years, a 180-pound English Mastiff named Porter was a final dagger in the heart. I find that I’m more heartbroken by the latter than the former. I’ll find work again. Hard to believe we’ll find another dog to match Porter.

I sat in a quiet house this morning missing the daily routine that I had been used to, even though I sometimes resented it. No matter what day of the week it was (dogs don’t have weekends apparently), I needed no alarm clock because his filthy wet muzzle would be in my face to waken me and remind me that he needed to get outside to do his thing and that his breakfast BETTER be waiting for him when he decided to stroll back in the front door. Only then, could I start the coffee maker and the rest of my personal morning routine.

Strangely, that sweet animal’s passing has encouraged both my wife and I to re-examine things and try (again) to live life as a better version of ourselves.

Before the “hey, dude, this is LinkedIn, not Facebook” crowd pounces, I’ll try and pivot from the back story to what struck me as relevant this morning over my lonely cup of coffee. Recent years have started to emphasize emotional intelligence (EQ) in business as much or more than IQ. We’ve realized that so-called soft skills in management can be just as important as those hard skills and technical prowess.

In my opinion, dogs are experts in emotional intelligence. They may not be able to create that awesome pivot table or program a super computer, but they sure seem to know intuitively how we’re feeling and always seem to have a tool in their canine toolbox to help lift our spirits. To keep it short, here’s a couple of dog-based things I’m trying to incorporate in honor of my old friend:

From my Labrador Retriever, Lesson 1: there is nothing so bad that cannot be solved by a ball and a game of fetch. We all have bad days. Recently a much larger chunk of us are having really bad days due to layoffs, quarantines, and this scary virus. One of my labs got really sick with parvo – it’s deadly and really painful. Even in pain and suffering, that dog would still see a ball or toy and joyfully go grab it and bring it to me. With bright eyes and what I swear was a smile, he’d try and get me to play fetch – even when I knew he felt awful. The lesson I took away – that even in a very dark hour, a walk in the woods, a board game with family or friends, or even just an elegant dinner with your partner is a respite worth taking. There’s something refreshing and renewing about play and a brief escape from our worries. No, bad stuff doesn’t just go away due to happy thoughts. You have choices, though. Dwell and stew and become mentally exhausted through worry and doubt. Or grab a nasty, slobbery tennis ball and play a game of proverbial fetch. I can tell you which one made my lab feel better (and me), and I think a brief bout of positivity will make a great deal of impact on your situation as well.

From our Mastiff, Lesson 2: Just being present in someone’s life can make a huge difference. Mastiffs are very different from labs. Where labs are an expression of boundless energy and joy throughout most of their lives, Mastiffs are stable – slow and ponderous. Bred to sit at the castle gates as part of your last line of defense, Mastiff’s are instinctively protective in nature. Where a lab would be that crazy soccer coach jumping up and down and pushing you to do things you never thought you could, our Mastiff was like a gentle counselor (even as a puppy) – someone you could lay your head on and unburden of all your problems. As my wife says in her sadness today, “he was just always there. Just THERE.” I wonder, do you have someone in your life that is that reliable? Someone who is always there for you regardless of the situation? How valuable is that? Flip the conversation – are YOU there for someone in your life? Always there and reliable – no matter what they’re going through? How much better we’d all be if we lived up to that goal – always being there for someone else that we love and care for, regardless of the circumstance. Side Note: that doesn’t mean you have to agree or support someone doing wrong, but that you’re present and available – and have a relationship so solid that you’re empowered to call them out and put them on the path to doing the right thing.

There’s a hundred other things our pets teach us. Yes, we may apply human traits to our animal friends that might not be real, but does it invalidate the lesson? Let’s just leave it at this. Having had dogs in my life has helped make me a better person. I will miss Porter and his annoying habit of thinking crawling on top of you thinking he was a cute little lap dog at 180 pounds. And I will remember the things that he taught me and hope to be that better human. So that our next dog gets to meet a better me.

Here's hoping that we all can use part of this strange time to build a better us.