Approaching 50 and at a crossroads?

Full admission, I am well past 50 but I have been reflecting on the experiences of many friends, colleagues and participants in our Nine on Purpose programs who have found themselves approaching fifty and feeling stuck at the crossroads. It can be an unexpectedly confusing, unsettling and lonely time - outwardly successful and in control and yet inwardly feeling pulled in multiple directions as the responsibilities of this age continue to mount. It was certainly like this for me.

I am reminded of two expressions I frequently draw on:

• "What got you here won't get you there" - Marshall Goldsmith.
• If it were easy, you would have the answers by now. As an accomplished problem-solver used to being in charge of your life, this can be the most unsettling part of approaching 50 and at a crossroads.

Life and career transitions can feel messy, inelegant, and can magnify that imposter syndrome that you have spent years trying to slay.

So what have I seen and experienced that helps?

Firstly, it is important to be kind to yourself, give yourself a break from your inner critic and practice some self-empathy. This can be surprisingly hard to do yet it is vital.

Next is to acknowledge that change is often messy and can take many months, if not years to navigate - stop trying to short-cut the process and embrace the contradictions in thinking as the winding-road to a positive personal renewal process.

Get some of that thinking out of your head and onto paper, or use a journal type app like Penzu. When I type out my thoughts I never ceased to be amazed when a nugget of insight appears at around the 600-750th word even if what I have written up to that point is stream-of-consciousness drivel.

Get clear on your strongest-held values and ask yourself, what are you tolerating? (Warning, you may not like the answer to this question). Craft a personal manifesto of your principles, boundaries and what matters most for you. Put it somewhere where you can easily see or access it. Let this be the compass that you keep coming back to as you move into the next decade. I love this quote by Iain Thomas:

'And every day, the world will drag you by the hand, yelling, “This is important! And this is important! And this is important! You need to worry about this! And this! And this!” And each day, it’s up to you to yank your hand back, put it on your heart and say, “No. This is what’s important.”'

Your sixtieth decade is not the decade to focus on developing your so-called weaknesses (which are often labelled as such to advance the agendas of others with different values from you). Instead, this is a time to reflect deeply on all your experiences, talents, strengths, and pinpoint what truly makes you uniquely, exceptionally, brilliantly you. Then start to operate from that place and watch surprising new possibilities unfold!

Don't go it alone. You will be amazed just how many people struggle to go through this unsettling time and are silently suffering.

Approaching 50 and at the crossroads is a time of huge opportunity and personal renewal. At Nine on Purpose, we call this journey Discover, Imagine and Become. But the real "secret sauce" is the reflection time and space to get clear on the above; and the feeling of being supported and cheered on by others as you start to design the best decade of your life!

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