This Approach to Conflict Resolution is a Gamechanger

Conflict is a necessary part of life. We live in a dynamic ecosystem, and therefore our actions impact one another. And where there’s impact, there’s bound to be conflict. We are each uniquely wired with varying interests, personalities, and desires. What’s ideal for one person, will be less than ideal for another. So as we navigate this intertwined world of living together, we must also lean into the reality that the potential for conflict will follow us with every step.

But this doesn’t have to be a sentence for a miserable life! In fact, by learning to effectively manage conflict, you have the ability to become a more resilient and satisfied person, regardless of conflicting actions and opinions around you. By nature, I am a conflict-avoider. I have been my whole life, and most days I still find myself reverting back to bristling at conflict and taking things far too personally. But here’s the good news. I’ve learned how to address conflict, not by avoiding it, but by welcoming it. And you can too! Here’s what changed the game for conflict resolution for me.

Create opportunities for open communication.

Effective conflict resolution is built on a foundation of trust. You want someone to feel like they can approach you at the onset of conflict and bring their concerns directly to you. Where things often spiral out of control is when the people who are in direct conflict won’t communicate directly with one another. Instead, there’s triangulation and complications as a result. The conflict grows bigger and lasts longer than it needs to. Focus on being approachable, respectful, and solution-minded. Invite people to always seek you first if there’s an issue that involves your action or input.

Hold each other accountable.

When you hear “through the grapevine” that someone has an issue with you, it’s hurtful and damaging to the relationship you thought you had. Talk is cheap, especially when it’s behind someone’s back. But there’s a lot of respect to be gained when you hold yourself and others accountable to their words, and address them directly. Whatever you choose to say about someone when they’re not within earshot, is that something you would say to them directly? And in that manner? If not, it’s better to not say it at all, especially to a third-party that is sure to relay the message back to the person. Uphold your stellar reputation and earn respect by being a person who is accountable to your words and actions, and always speaks intentionally.

Choose your timing.

In the case of conflict resolution, timing really is everything. Let cooler heads prevail, seek a private environment, and schedule the conversation in advance, with a clear agenda, so no one feels blindsided. Again, all of this comes back to respect. Charging at someone in the heat of the moment, in a public space, and when that person is unprepared will not resolve anything. It may be tempting in the moment, but it will surely fan the flame instead of extinguishing anything. And in the end, everyone gets burned. So instead, demonstrate respect, professionalism, and maturity by handling conflict like any other “project” to tackle. Prioritize, schedule, and prepare for a productive conversation with the goal of resolution always at the forefront.

Listen then respond.

How often are we guilty of formulating our response while someone is still communicating their stance? We’re so focused on our defense, that we don’t even absorb the full message being communicated to us. We’re blinded by our egos and wanting to “win” the argument. Spoiler alert – no one wins when this is the approach! Be very intentional about not letting your mind wander while the other person is speaking their piece. Listen, observe, and take it all in. What they say and how they say it will tell you a lot about the next best approach to take. Maybe it’s displaced anger. Maybe it’s a misunderstanding. Maybe they simply want to be heard and no further action is needed. If you’re not listening to these cues, you’re likely to miss the real message and will cause yourself compounding problems.

Be grateful.

And finally, find reasons to be grateful for the conflict. You read that right! There is always a reason to be grateful, even for hard conversations that need to take place. From conflict, relationships grow stronger, miscommunications can be cleared up, and better solutions can be found. When handled appropriately, conflict fine-tunes essential skills that make you a better leader, friend, spouse, and community member. When you reframe your approach to conflict and view it as an opportunity to grow, learn, and make someone feel heard, it truly is a reason to feel grateful. Whenever a tough conversation needs to take place, always end it by expressing gratitude for that person coming to you directly and giving you the opportunity to work collaboratively.

How do you respond to conflict? Where might there be opportunities to improve? Join me in the comments!

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