Is Appreciation a Professional Form of Love?

Why do some people need to feel appreciated and others just “know” they are?

So many leaders I talk with seem perplexed by this. 

I think of appreciation and love similarly, because I think appreciation is a professional form of love. 

If this sounds too “soft” for you, then replace love with respect, admiration, reciprocity, or whatever value registers for you. 

In romantic relationships, some people need to hear the words, “I love you.” 

Some like love letters or notes.

Others prefer gifts or just to be seen in public holding hands. 

Still others appreciate when you refer to them publicly in some way, perhaps bragging about their accomplishments or how attractive they are, or what a wonderful parent they make. 

Praise and love looks different for different people, because people are different. 

We feel differently, we were raised differently, things land on us differently and we had unique lived experiences. We hold different values and what we need also changes over time. 

Maybe in younger relationships being told “I love you” mattered more and sex meant less, while for the next person this is the reverse. Who knows? 

The same can be said for appreciation in many forms, but in this case, in the workplace. 

Perhaps for one person the bonus at the end of the year is how they know they matter to the company. For someone else it is what their performance review states. The next might really care about getting free swag and having time at home with their family every night. It’s just a paycheck, afterall. Others need to know they are making a difference in the world. 

The point is, know your employees. Know what motivates them. Know how to tell them and show them they matter so you can keep them around. 

When people are motivated they work with motive.  

When we love someone like they want to be loved, they feel it as deeply as we mean it.