Appreciation to Improve Workplace Relationships
Therese Linton
Helping professionals build flourishing careers, optimise performance, get promoted, and live happier, more fulfilling lives! I transform mindsets and ways of working to take you from NOW to NEXT!
Languages of Appreciation
This newsletter continues on from recent newsletters on the topics of kindness and gratitude at work. It extends upon this thinking and provides a practical framework to support leaders in building more positive and productive work environments.
Over the past few months, I’ve been reading The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman and applying it to my relationships with my family and friends. It’s a little dated and focused primarily on the traditional husband and wife relationship. When you get past that, it provides a simple framework for figuring out your primary love language and deducting the love languages of those around you – your partner, family, friends and even work colleagues.
“Next to physical survival, the greatest need of a human being is psychological survival, to be understood, to be affirmed, to be validated, to be appreciated.” Steven Covey
After his original book, Gary went on to work with fellow Psychologist Paul White to write The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace.
The wisdom behind The 5 Love Languages? translates to just about every area of life – including the workplace! It is possible to transform your workplace culture through the application of the 5 love languages at work. Chapman and White have adapted these into the 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace.
At work, people express and receive appreciation in different ways. If you express appreciation in ways that aren’t meaningful to your co-workers, they may not feel valued. By understanding and expressing gratitude and thanks in their preferred appreciation language you can positively impact productivity and increase meaning. Here is the translation of the 5 love languages for application in the workplace as the 5 appreciation languages.
Benefits of expressing appreciation
This framework of appreciation makes it possible to –
It is possible to magnify the positive impacts by combining the use of appreciation languages with a personal or team-based gratitude practice.”
According to The Resilience Project, it is possible to use a gratitude practice to rewire your brain to scan the world for positivity and it only takes 21 days. And after 42 days…you
These are extraordinary reasons to get started with expressing appreciation and feeling more gratitude at work, and in your general life, right now!
Taking gratitude to work is easy and consists of two parts –
Identifying the languages of appreciation
Applying the languages of appreciation requires a little more thought and an understanding of the preferences of your team members and colleagues. It is useful to spend some time to first identify each persons preferred language of appreciation as not everyone likes to be shown appreciation in the same way.
?Selecting and applying their preferred language of appreciation will yield far greater positive results and avoid wasted time and energy doing something that is not valued by the recipient. Global praise and generic rewards don’t compare with a tailored and genuine appreciation for an individual’s contribution. The positive impacts will be greatly enhanced and more sustained.
Identifying another person’s language of appreciation can be done by observing their behaviours, especially in two scenarios – 1. How they express appreciation to others; and 2. How they express their dissatisfaction.
Consider how your co-workers express genuine appreciation to others, whether it’s through words of praise or a thoughtfully selected gift. Often, how someone treats another person is exactly how they’d like to receive appreciation. An individual can benefit from different languages of appreciation as well, not just one.
Alternatively, there are assessment tools available to support team members to identify both their preferred language of appreciation, as well as the specific actions meaningful to them. Indeed, deciding to undertake the assessments as a team can be a great bonding experience and lead to next level understanding of the differences and special gifts that are contributed by each team member. Here is a link to a well-designed assessment with excellent practical tips on how to express appreciation according to each language Languages-of-Appreciation-Assessment-ADAPTED-2.pdf ( katrinakennedy.com )
Applying the languages of appreciation
I have compiled this content from several sources and combined it with my own observations and expertise. It is an easy guide to applying the languages of appreciation in the workplace.
“If you cannot remember the last time you affirmed one of your colleagues by words of affirmation that focused on his or her personality, let us encourage you to consciously look for their positive personality traits. Within the next two weeks, verbalize affirmation for a positive trait you observe. For some people, this is the primary way that they feel affirmed.” Chapman and White
Words of affirmation
According to Chapman and White, words of affirmation are the primary language of appreciation for about 45% of people, with the other 55% split between the other 4 languages. Words of affirmation can be praise for specific accomplishments, affirmation of a person’s character or praise for their personality.
How that praise is given can make a big difference depending on each person’s personality type and preferences. There is a marked difference between how introverts and extroverts prefer to receive praise. It’s important to consider these differences and to mix it up a bit by selecting different actions or mechanisms each time.
Some people prefer a quiet, private, heartfelt thank you, whilst others highly value public recognition. There are also those who prefer to be recognised in writing, especially if key senior stakeholders are copied in.
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Quality time
Quality time is about giving your team member the gift of time and it doesn’t have to be exclusively your time. It could be the time of a respected mentor to support their development and career progression.
There are many options when considering how to show appreciation using the quality time language. As described by Chapman and White, quality time consists of different dialects that can be categorised as –
It is useful to consider all of these when looking for quality time activities in the workplace.
Receiving Gifts
This is not simply about bonuses or pay rises as these relate more to performance outcomes and are less about showing appreciation. In the workplace, it is possible to find ways to give small, tangible gifts that demonstrate you know your team member personally.
Giving the right gift, at the right time, to someone who’s primary language is tangible gifts, can have a great impact. Although, as only 6% of employees choose tangible gifts as their primary language then this language doesn’t have to be used very often and it could be a simple as a coffee, a bunch of flowers, or a reward related to training or personal development.
Acts of Service
When acts of service is an team members primary language of appreciation, they value the offer of support far more than praise and recognition. Simply ask them – What can I do to help? And then show a willingness to act on the request in the near term where it is feasible.
Perhaps there are certain times of the month, or certain work-related tasks that are more important or can become rushed, providing additional support during these times will be highly valued. Especially when the support is provided according to the team members preferences where they tale the lead and you provide a supporting role.
Physical Touch
Physical touch can at times be controversial as it is highly contextual and culturally specific. If you are uncomfortable then it is best to avoid touching altogether, although there are some great alternatives and widely accepted touches for the workplace. For example, handshakes, high fives, fist bumps, or elbow bumps, are generally acceptable, in a way that hugs and pats on the back are not.
Chapman and White make a case for physical touch and suggest a period of observation within your workplace to see if physical touch is part of the culture.
Impacts of remote working
Workplace cultures have changed dramatically in recent years with an astounding increase in the number of remote and hybrid employees. Research conducted during and after the pandemic found that keeping connected with employees at a personal level was a key factor to them staying engaged and remaining with their current employer.
Additionally, personal relationships among colleagues were critical to employees successfully managing the stress in their lives. Communicating appreciation among team members has been shown to be foundational to keeping collegial relationships healthy. The languages of appreciation can help significantly with this as performance discussions and congratulatory messages can be tailored to satisfy the different preferences.
Next steps
You could grab one of Chapman and White’s books on the subject or take the various quizzes available to determine your language of appreciation. If you’re interested in finding out your love language, here is the link to the Quiz page from the official 5 love languages site - https://5lovelanguages.com/quizzes ?There are 4 great quizzes to determine your love language, your apology language, your anger language and also how to feel appreciated at work. These provide valuable insights into how to conduct your relationships and how you can improve your relationships with others.
Or book in for a FREE initial 30 minute coaching session for more practical tips
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