Appreciation
Colin D Smith
The Listener - Improving the listening, thinking and relationship skills of individuals and teams. Expert in listening.
Appreciation - The final part of Step 7
Feedback is good, appreciation is better
How many times do we get feedback when we don’t want it and don’t receive appreciation when we crave it?
There is a subtle but important difference between feedback and appreciation. At a personal level, feedback is predominately focussed on what someone is doing and whilst aimed at improving performance, can be seen as positive or negative. Appreciation, on the other hand, is focussed on the person, who they are, who they are being, and is always positive.
We are quick to give negative feedback, less so the positive. Sadly, it is unusual to give appreciation.
There is plenty written about how to give and receive feedback, so let’s focus primarily on the art of giving and receiving appreciation.
In the workplace, many employees report that feeling appreciated by their employer and/or co-workers promotes their sense of self-worth, greater emotional investment and discretionary effort in their work and company, and fosters a more trusting environment.
For some of us, giving and even receiving appreciation is not easy….
During one workshop I asked the participants, who all knew each other and worked in the same department, to pair up and offer a word or two of appreciation to each other. For most of them, this was extremely difficult to do, both as the speaker and as the receiver.
Part of the reason it feels difficult is first, it is unusual, and secondly, it requires us to tune in and sense the other person, and then allow a word or two to arise from within. It is not something to think about, the words come from our heart.
The aspect of the person we are appreciating focuses on their being, not their doing
However, offering appreciation itself is straightforward….
The speaker looks at the recipient, pauses and allows a word or two of appreciation to arise, not to overthink it, and simply trust that the words will come forth. The receiver looks at the speaker, listens closely to their words, feels the emotion behind what they were saying, takes it in and says, “Thank you”. Then swap over and repeat.
When working in groups, at the end of a meeting, invite everyone to offer a word of appreciation to the group and then to the person on their left or right.
Or, do as we did with a group of volunteers supporting the Global Angels charity, www.globalangels.org in disadvantaged communities in Tsavo, Kenya.
This group had spent a week working together on local projects, sharing thoughts and feelings through sitting in circle with each other at the end of the day. The opportunity to share like this helps them to realise they are not alone, as others are feeling the same, and to get to see their experience through each other’s eyes, which is often very different.
At the end of the week, we give everyone an envelope containing a dozen pieces of paper. We invite everyone to write down what they appreciate about each of those in the group, one per person, and the next day to give the piece of paper to them to put in their envelope. We suggest that they read these notes of appreciation a few days later when they have returned home.
We crave being appreciated as it helps us to feel validated, seen and heard, valued, and to know that we matter.
To read more see…
The Journey Inside – Coaching to the Core
Chapter 3 - The Transformational Impact of Active Listening by Colin D Smith
#TheJouneyInside
Available from Amazon and all great booksellers from 14 November 2019
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Transformational Coach “Leading from the Heart”, “Be Your True Authentic Self”- AC certified Coach, Global Communication Educationalist & Facilitator. I am also thelovecoach.online
5 年Gosh Colin, thank you for your work. I just? was guided here by Veronica Munro regarding your books and I feel, I just encountered another like minded thinker.? There is a huge opportunity for companies now, that are brave enough to name values that truly relate to dreams and hopes of ordinary people and the YOUTH especially, worried about the world that we are so busy destroying. In the last 12 years, I focused together with Mac Macartney and others, on bringing the Heart back to leadership and teams. We worked with leaders and organisations around the subject listening, connecting, appreciation. A simple heart sharing in the board room (and anywhere) creates immediately a different connection and often tears. New levels of collaborations are created, new visions. As you say, a healthier work-life relationship.? Appreciation is elixir for our survival. Our society is starving slowly of appreciation. And yes, you say it well: humans struggle hugely to give while we all desire it.? Only with appreciation we can truly touch the lives of millions. It does not matter, if you are a business leader or you look at it for your own personal life:? connecting from the heart through appreciation, listening and vulnerability creates true connection, THE base to flourish and to grow. People need people who care about each other, it does not matter if these people are teams in corporates, schools or any other organisations.? AND: Imagine the society we would create, if we chose to serve the wellbeing of people and nature first, and the creation of profits second. The first would be the purpose, the second would be the means. ?
Consultant
5 年You hit the nail on the head here Colin. We all want to be appreciated, and we all want validation for our actions and efforts. Unfortunately, there are very few teachers who are teaching people how to be on the other side of this exchange. If everyone wants to be heard and appreciated, but no one is doing the listening and appreciating, daily life can become a?self perpetuating cycle, where everyday actions and gestures become translated as conflict, tension, misunderstanding, not being appreciated... the list goes on. I always love to use what I learnt from nature during my life, and apply it to human dynamics, and interaction. A particular picture jumped into my mind while reading your article: Imagine a gardener chooses to only take care, and focus on one side of his garden, and he neglects the other side. One side will will flourish and grow into a beautiful garden. Protected and guided into the vision of the gardener. The other side will also continue to grow, but without guidance - weeds might interrupt the plant growth, there will be continuous fighting for natural light and resources, and at the end, only the strong will survive, taking what it needs to continue its existence. People in groups work very much like this as well. This is why it's so important for leaders to equip themselves with the necessary skills which allow them to not only understand human dynamics and needs, but also to delegate and design a working environment where the one hand, washes the other hand. Penny for your thoughts...