Will They Appreciate the Real Me? Here’s What I Discovered

It was one week after the 2024 presidential election, and I was in Springfield, Illinois, preparing to deliver a keynote address to 500 elected officials. Self-doubt wasn’t new to me as a gay woman—but this moment felt sharper, heavier. It wasn’t just my own inner critic whispering insecurities. It was the cold, detached behavior of the man who had hired me.?

When we met, he didn’t make eye contact, mumbled a hollow greeting, and vanished as though proximity to me was uncomfortable. His aloofness struck me deeply. Was it regret for hiring me? Was it my gender? My identity? Those questions began to weigh on me, feeding a storm of doubt that was gaining momentum.?

Adding to this turmoil were the heartbreaking calls from clients in the early morning of my talk—stories of teens rejected by their families simply for being who they were. Two of those kids had attempted suicide and were hospitalized. Their pain compounded my own, making this experience feel heavier, and my doubts more convincing.?

The tug-of-war in my mind was relentless. My confidence, which had taken years to build, felt fragile under the heaviness of assumptions and self-doubt. Two hours before my talk, needing to get grounded, I called my therapist, Gayle.?

Her response was simple yet life-altering. “Misti,” she said, “everybody out there is just trying to figure out how to be OK being who they are. Why don’t you show them how to do it?”

Those words cut through the noise and grounded me. It wasn’t about perfection; it was about courage—the courage to show up as my whole self.?

With that clarity, I adjusted my posture, took a deep breath, and stepped onto the stage. The result? I delivered one of my most authentic, impactful keynotes yet. Every word came from a place of truth instead of fear. The irony of speaking about navigating tough conversations while carrying the weight of my own personal doubts wasn’t lost on me. But maybe that’s what made the talk so real. It resonated deeply because it came from lived experience in that exact moment.

The response was almost immediate—books sold out, people came forward to share their stories, and I spent an hour and a half connecting one-on-one with attendees and taking photos. Many who stayed were women, people of color, and others who, like me, had often been underestimated or overlooked. They saw their struggles reflected in my story, and for a moment, we shared something unspoken but powerful.?

When I stepped off the stage, something unexpected happened. The man who had seemed so dismissive earlier was waiting for me. His demeanor had shifted entirely. Respect and warmth radiated from him as he thanked me repeatedly, his voice filled with genuine appreciation. “We’re getting a lot of positive feedback,” he told me more than once, almost as if he wanted to ensure I understood the full impact of my talk. His reaction affirmed what I’ve come to believe deeply—that showing up as your full, authentic self can change perceptions, even in the face of doubt.?

That experience taught me two invaluable lessons. First, not every reaction is about you. Often, it reflects the other person’s fears, pressures, or uncertainties. And second, while you can’t control how others behave, you can control how you respond. When you choose to stand rooted in your truth, you create ripples far beyond yourself.?

To anyone doubting if they’re enough, especially in moments when judgment feels heaviest—this is what I want you to hear. The world doesn’t need you to mold yourself to fit its expectations. It needs you to be fully and undeniably you. Because when we stand tall in our authentic selves, we don’t just inspire others—we remind them of what’s possible.

It’s in those moments of courage that we create change. That’s how we overcome fear. Together.

Here’s to your greatness,

Misti Burmeister

Misti Burmeister helps leaders and their team have conversations they keep avoiding but need to have. For nearly 20 years, she has facilitated communication that results in trust, increasing engagement and productivity across generations. Make sure your communication is coming across the way you intend, visit?https://www.MistiBurmeister.com