Applying the Yin and Yang of Self-Compassion

Have you ever noticed how easy it is to be kind to your friends when they're going through a tough time, but how hard it can be to show that same kindness to yourself?

That's where self-compassion comes in.

It's all about treating yourself with the same care and understanding you'd give to a good friend.

Self-compassion isn't just one thing – it's actually made up of two different parts, kind of like two sides of the same coin.

These parts are called "yin" and "yang," which come from Chinese philosophy.

Think of yin as the soft, comforting side, and yang as the strong, protective side.

Let's break it down a bit more:

Yin Self-Compassion: The Gentle Approach

Imagine you've had a really bad day at work.

You made a bad mistake, embarrassed yourself in front of your boss, and forgot your lunch at home.

Yin self-compassion is like giving yourself a mental hug. It involves:

1. Being kind to yourself: Instead of beating yourself up, you might say, "Hey, it's okay. Everyone has bad days sometimes."

2. Remembering you're not alone: Lots of people have days like this. It's part of being human.

3. Noticing your feelings: You allow yourself to feel upset without trying to push those feelings away.

An example of yin self-compassion might be taking a relaxing shower, listening to your favorite music, or curling up with a good book to help yourself feel better after a rough day.

Yang Self-Compassion: The Fierce Protector

Now, let's say you're dealing with a bully at work. Yang self-compassion is like being your own superhero. It involves:

1. Standing up for yourself: You might decide to report the bully to a manager or confront them directly (if it's safe to do so).

2. Connecting with others: You might join a support group or talk to friends who've dealt with similar issues.

3. Seeing things clearly: You recognize that the bully's behavior is wrong and not your fault.

An example of yang self-compassion might be setting boundaries with friends who always ask you to help out, or speaking up when someone makes an unkind comment about you.

Why Both Yin and Yang Matter

Having both yin and yang self-compassion is like having a complete toolbox to deal with life's challenges.

Sometimes you need to comfort yourself, and other times you need to stand up for yourself. Both are important!

Three Key Parts of Self-Compassion

Whether you're using yin or yang self-compassion, there are three main ingredients:

1. Self-kindness: Being gentle and understanding with yourself instead of harsh and critical.

2. Common humanity: Remembering that everyone struggles sometimes – you're not alone or weird for having difficulties.

3. Mindfulness: Paying attention to how you're feeling without judging those feelings or trying to push them away.

Putting It Into Practice

Learning self-compassion is like learning any new skill – it takes practice. Here are some ways to start:

1. Talk to yourself like you'd talk to a friend. Would you call your best friend "stupid" for making a mistake? Probably not! Give yourself the same kindness.

2. Keep a self-compassion journal. Write down tough moments and how you could respond to yourself with more compassion.

3. Take self-compassion breaks. When you're stressed, take a moment to acknowledge your feelings, remind yourself that everyone struggles sometimes, and ask what you need right now.

4. Practice both yin and yang. Sometimes you might need to comfort yourself, other times you might need to stand up for yourself. Both are valuable!

Remember, being kind to yourself isn't being selfish or weak.

It's a powerful way to build resilience and cope with life's challenges.

So the next time you're having a tough moment, try giving yourself some compassion – both the soft, comforting kind and the strong, protective kind.

You deserve it!

This tool was adapted from the Mindful Self-compassion Workbook by Kristin Neff and

Chris Germer (2018) by Hugo Alberts (PhD) and Lucinda Poole (PsyD).