Applied & optimized hints on how to overcome your unnecessary fear of public speaking

One of my Linkedin contacts from UK recently sent me a short message stating something along these lines: "Massive speech tomorrow. Super nervous. Any hint will help and would be much appreciated."

Who am I? A free of cost help hotline?! Just kidding! I am always glad to receive messages and requests like these from you, folks, as they tell me what your biggest challenges are resp. what you want me to blog about. So today's post is a slightly amended version of my answer to the above message.

First of all, the fear of public speaking is one of the most common phobias. If you look at the top five things that people are afraid of you will always find public speaking listed. In some studies it is even higher ranked than the fear of death, spiders or heights. Crazy, isn't it? I did not know that.

Speaking about the fear of heights: Jumping out of an airplane is superb fun and has absolutely NOTHING to do with the weird scenarios we create in our heads. How I know that? I confronted myself with this challenge earlier this year. And yes, I would definitely do it again!

This leads me to the first lesson learned in regards to overcoming the fear of public speaking:

1. We create unrealistic, terrifying scenarios in our heads

We human beings have the tendency to be VERY creative when it comes to negative thinking and drama. Our imagination goes wild. But if you ask us to be POSITIVELY creative - e.g. if money was no issue, where would you live and what would you do? - we are like: "Erm... hm...I don't know..." That is sad, isn't it?

Whatever. In the above mentioned case you will most probably think: "What if I forget my text? What if I fall or stumble on stage? What if I get asked stupid questions? What if I get barracked?" etc. You know what? - Go for it! I want you to broadly reflect on the question:

"What would happen in the absolute WORST case?"

Write it down. Yes, all of it. So you will have the answers in front of you. You will then be aware of each and every possible horrible faux pas, interaction, mistake and so on that could potentially happen. Whew! Doesn't it feel good to get rid off this stress?

Now in a second step ask yourself:

"How realistic is the scenario I just created? And what can I do in that situation to save my butt?" 

You will a) realize that your worst-case scenarios are very unlikely. And if they b) happen anyway, you are prepared. So you have nothing to panic about. Make a joke about it. Don't take yourself too serious. The audience loves that. It makes you human. It makes you interesting. It shows strength.

2. Prepare yourself like a pro & you will rock the stage

Ok. So we emotionally prepared you till here. Let's focus on the content in a second step. Write down your speech. Get clear on your introduction (make it funny, provocative, different to stand out), the body and the message you want to transport. If you want to prepare a power point presentation including the main ideas (the focus is on main ideas, please don't create a document of 213 slides), go ahead. If you feel like writing down the key ideas/words on moderation cards (they might be also a good idea if you still face the "what-shall-I-do-with-my-hands-challenge"), do that. Everybody has different preferences and needs. Choose the tools, which are the most suitable for you.

Three further pragmatic hints: 1. Train the speech in front of the mirror, a friend or a family member a few times. This will calm you down, you will know what looks great and on which aspects you still need to work on. 2. Sleep enough during the night before your speech and 3. make sure you wear something you feel comfortable in (nothing too loose, too tight).

3. Remind yourself: You are the expert. Full stop.

You know more about the topic than anybody else in the room. You prepared your speech. That is why they asked you to speak. That is what you get paid for. So go out there and show them what badass really means! 

Before doing so, a short breathing exercise helps a lot of people. Find a quiet corner or room. Close your eyes. Focus on yourself. Calm down through regulating your breathing. SLOWLY and deeply breathe in through the nose and exhale through your mouth (a bit like in yoga classes). Do that for 5- 7 times. You will feel the difference!

The last four things to keep in mind: 1. Stand straight and self-confident: Chest out, shoulders back, belly in, chin up. Let your body language show the audience that they can expect a great speech. 2. Smile! Even if you don't feel like doing so. Nobody can see that you are nervous. 3. Keep eye contact to the audience. Don't stare at your notes or at the floor. If you still struggle with that, ask one of your colleagues to sit in the front row on the very left and another one in the middle of the very right side, and keep on having eye contact with person a, then b, then a every now and then. 4. Speak SLOWLY and clearly! Don't rush through the speech, which brings me to lesson learned number four:

4. Stay cool and go with the flow. You "survived" the worst part

Once you made the listeners laugh - yes, please interact with your audience - you see them nodding or they answer one of your hypothetical questions (e.g. "Are you ready? Do you agree?"), you will forget about the fact that you are on stage and feel less stressed. From then onwards your speech will flow easily.

Two more things: 1. If anybody asks a question you don't know the answer to, you either play it back to the audience and ask for opinions or tell the person that (the answer is VERY complex and that) you will get back to him later this week. 2. Don't over-interpret reactions from the audience or take these reactions personal. If you see somebody yawing, it doesn’t mean that your speech is boring. This person maybe went clubbing last night or goes through some issues at home. In addition to that some people have attention spans like Homer Simpson.

My conclusion?

How often do you have discussions on get-togethers resp. in kitchens on parties? Exactly. You stopped counting. That is how I see public speaking. Just another debate. Ask yourself: What makes the difference between talking to 7 or 50 people? I think there is almost none. It is the drama we create in our heads and or the fear of failure (which is bullsh*t anyway - how can you fail when you are prepared?!) that makes us nervous and less self-confident.

Be prepared. Be yourself. Be authentic. This will help you master each situation. 

Good luck!