Apologising

Some people confuse apologising with being the weaker link. Actually, apologising can – and should – create a safe space for healthy and open communication. An apology followed by action indicates that you are willing to build and maintain a level of respect and honesty with your colleagues - winning an argument may mean that you have won a battle but does not mean you will win the war. It is therefore important to know when to apologise. The most effective apology is one that is unexpected which makes it heavily impactful. As we have seen in previous Tuesday Tips, mistakes aren’t supposed to hold you back – but often act as building blocks to make you grow and improve. Similarly, making the effort to apologise appropriately and impactfully will help you build (or repair) strong and meaningful relationships.

When we’re speaking to someone face-to-face, a huge amount of communication takes place through body language. Your body language – not just your facial expressions, body posture, gestures and eye movement but also your use of touch and space – sets the tone of any apology. Know the power of body language. If you aren’t mindful of your facial expressions and body cues, you could be undermining your apology instead of strengthening it. Controlling your body language - by speaking calmly, making eye contact and uncrossing your arms – will help eliminate any unnecessary noise and gives clear context, leaving less space for misinterpretation.

Sometimes, thanking someone instead of apologising is a better tool to navigate through a sticky situation. For example, thanking someone for waiting for you instead of apologising for being late creates a more positive environment. Being considerate of other people may empower you to be more compassionate. Rather than backing down, acknowledge where you fell short – leaving the impression that other people’s efforts haven’t gone unnoticed.

It is important to recognise that apologies – on their own – don’t make too much of a difference. According to research, individuals react better to an imagined apology than the reality of receiving one because it allows them space to come up with exactly what they need to hear to feel better. An apology should always be followed with concrete action because otherwise, no matter how well the apology was articulated, it is useless. Empty apologies can do you more harm than good – eroding trust in your words, distorting your credibility and showing insincerity.

When something goes wrong, thinking about what you did and how it affected other people is an important way of building your empathetic muscles and boosting your emotional intelligence. It may be that you decide that whatever happened was not your fault – but sometimes it may make sense – for the reasons set out above – to build common ground with those affected. Genuine apologies build and utilise higher-order relationship skills. They make it easier for the other person to re-connect with you through forgiveness. Not only does an apology create a space for a conversation, which allows both parties to share their perspectives, but it also signposts ways of preventing such conflicts in the future – which ultimately betters the quality of any relationship.