The Apartment Department Store

A brand new department store has just opened in Rochester that sells apartment buildings. I wanted to check it out so I went with one of my buyers. It was fun!

When buyers go to choose a property, they have to follow the instructions at the entrance:

You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are 6 floors and the value of the products increase as you ascend the flights. You may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you CAN NOT go back down except to exit the building.

So, my buyer and I are visit the apartment department store in hopes of finding a property for her to purchase. We enter the front doors and are greeted by the store manager. He claps his hands a few times and asks for Mary Pat, Mary Kate and Mary Francis to see if we want an espresso, or a Champagne. Although it was 10 am! And then we notice a sign near by....

The first floor sign reads:

Floor 1: The properties on this floor are vacant and need work.

Interesting, my buyer thought. Even though putting her own stamp on the building in terms of new tenants and renovations sounds very rewarding, she thought that a bit less work required would be desirable for her goals. And we were just getting started. I hear all the time that "I can not buy the first property I see". We keep moving. We see a sign, "Second Floor this way", with an arrow. So, up we go.....

The second floor sign reads:

Floor 2: These buildings have tenants. Better, she said! But she thought, What about cash flow? Or condition? Where are the properties located? I would prefer not to be in challenging areas of the city. We better keep moving she said. There will be something better. And we went up again. And saw another sign....

The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3: These properties have excellent tenants that always pay on time.

"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. I can not imagine how good the next floor can be! Great properties are waiting for us on the next floor. She was very excited. I could probably find what I want on this floor, but the next floor has to be better, right? And we saw another sign so up we went.....

The fourth floor sign reads:

Floor 4: This floor has properties with excellent tenants that always pay on time; also with Certificates of Occupancy and are in the best locations of Rochester.

"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims. She really said "Oh, mercy me". I chuckled a little but we were so focused on looking at all these great properties available for sale. Some of the best I have seen offered in Rochester.

Still, she wanted to go up and we go to the fifth floor and sign reads:

Floor 5: These properties have the highest cash flows in Rochester, are in the best conditions of any buildings in Rochester and are in the best locations of Rochester. The trifecta! For years, buyers could only pick one: cash flow, condition or location but never could a buyer have all 3 benefits. Yet this floor had inventory with all 3. They all had great cash flow. They all are in great condition. And they all are in the best locations. What a discovery. A floor full of Unicorns!

She is so tempted to stay and buy one of these properties, but can not help but think that it is better if we go up. She wants to go to the sixth floor bypassing the great apartment investments on this floor. I told her it can not get better than this floor and perhaps we should consider one of these to purchase. This floor has exactly what you want. But she wants to go up to the 6th floor. We get to the sixth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 6: You are visitor 11,254 to this floor today.

There are no properties on this floor.

This floor exists solely as proof that some buyers are looking for the investments that simply do not exist with expectation levels that can never be met. Even when presented with an entire floor of Unicorns, this particular buyer still wanted more and decided to continue her search.

And then we saw the final sign of the day: Thank you for shopping at the Apartment Department Store. Have a nice day.

And just like that, our visit had come to an end without a purchase. Not even a glass of Champagne.

Well, I had fun anyway. I would love to go back again. If only I could remember where it was located.....