AOC: How does she do it?

What can we actually learn from Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez’s victorious response to Ted Yoho’s vulgar and sexist provocation?

While the news cycle has turned over many times since July 23, I am still energized and inspired by the speech Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez gave on the floor of the US House of Representatives, calling for Representative Ted Yoho’s unprovoked misogynistic attacks on her to be entered into the congressional record. Ocasio-Cortez is the youngest woman elected to this governing body, and since taking office she has captured the headlines numerous times with her bold and progressive approach to her role.

In her response to Mr. Yoho’s pallid ‘apology’ (which you can see below) we witnessed her most breathtaking public moment yet. The press and social media have been gushing with praise about Ms. Ocasio-Cortez’s bravery, eloquence and golden future in politics.

Yet as we celebrate her victory, let’s not overlook the valuable lessons women (and men!) can learn from observing the shrewd and powerful way Ocasio-Cortez handles herself in the face of adversity. I’d like to zoom in on a few of the tactics she used to convey a strong and dignified response, and share some thoughts on how we can practice them ourselves:

·        Poised and engaged delivery

·        Know when to break the rules of decorum

·        Focus on implications, not content of behavior

·        Call out ‘lame’ excuses

Poised and engaged delivery of your message 

Throughout her speech, Ocasio-Cortez speaks in a calm and deliberate way, clearly enunciating her words. Her pacing is energized yet slow enough for us to absorb all of what she is saying. She effectively balances vivid personal storytelling (I have tossed men out of bars) with deeply held convictions (When a decent man messes up….he does apologize). She maintains eye contact with her audience, engaging with them to ensure that they receive her message. This was in stark contrast to Yoho, who, in his ‘apology’ on the floor of congress kept his eyes glued to the printout of his speech in front of him, as he swiftly read it out like an automaton. He briefly glanced up a few times for a total of 6 seconds during his 1:45 second speech.

What to practice:

·        Take your time when speaking, pacing your delivery

·        Be mindful of giving your audience (not your papers) lots of eye contact

·        Balance storytelling with sharing strongly held convictions

·        Don’t forget to breathe!

Know when to break the rules of decorum 

Breaking the (unwritten) rules of social interactions purely for shock value often backfires because it pointlessly distracts from the business at hand and risks seriously undermining your credibility. These rules concern the use of language but also (unwritten) agreements such as seating arrangements at meetings, or who gets to speak first and for how long. Ocasio-Cortez took the unprecedented step of uttering the words ‘fucking bitch’ on the floor of congress, in full view of press and cameras. Why was this appropriate? Because If she had not done this, she would have effectively been protecting Yoho from being held accountable for the full force of his assault on her. Nonetheless, every situation is different, and it is worthwhile to consider what is appropriate for that context, and what tradeoffs you may be making.

 What to practice:

When faced with a dilemma about whether to ‘break the rules’ of acceptable behavior, it can be helpful to reflect on the following questions:

·        What is my goal and how will breaking the rules help me to achieve it?

·        Who will benefit if I break the rules?

·        Who will be offended/hurt/undermined if I break the rules?

. What is the worst thing that could happen if I break the rules?

·        Who/what will support me in breaking the rules?

Focus on implications, not content of the behavior

In her speech, Ms. Ocasio-Cortez states unequivocally that Mr. Yoho’s remarks were not ‘hurtful or piercing’ to her, squarely dismissing any suggestion that she is there to portray herself as a victim of a personal attack. Instead, Ocasio-Cortez succinctly articulates the implications of Yoho’s behavior, by framing things in terms of ‘a culture…., of accepting violence and violent language against women.’ She further observes that Yoho’s use of offensive language against her implied that he was effectively giving permission to other men to use the same dehumanizing language against his own wife and daughters.

What to practice:

·        Take some distance in your mind and reflect on the ‘bigger picture’ of the incident and the person(s) involved, to uncover its implications. Some helpful questions:

1.    Is this a pattern or an isolated incident?

2.      What was my role in the incident?

3.      Do I know others who have had a similar experience?

4.      Which assumptions/beliefs are fueling this person’s behavior?

5.      What is the message this person’s behavior is sending to me and others?

6.      Is this persons message harmful to myself and others?

·        If you do experience pain and strong emotion when accosted or undermined by others it’s important to acknowledge it. Seek out a person whom you trust to express what you are feeling and focus on cultivating resilience to bounce back.

 Call out ‘lame’ excuses

Let me fist tell you what I mean when I use the word ‘lame’ in this context. Lameness occurs when a person acts without integrity and hopes that you won’t notice. Ms. Ocasio-Cortez called Mr. Yoho out on his lameness when he tried to use his wife and daughter as shields and excuses for his poor behavior. Oftentimes we sense that someone is giving us a lame excuse for something, but we cannot immediately put our finger on it. There are three red flags for identifying lame excuses. Learning to recognize them will help you to hold your ground during difficult or antagonistic interactions. Ted Yoho employed all of them in his ‘apology’ to Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. 

·        False assumptions: Because I have a wife and daughters, I could never accost a woman. Yoho made a huge mistake when he assumed that everyone believes this.

·        Irrelevant arguments: Yoho reminisces about his own poverty and need to rely on food stamps during the early years of his marriage. This has no connection to his accosting Ocasio-Cortez on the steps of the capitol building.

·        Incorrect accounting of events: Yoho denies using the words ‘Fucking bitch’ even though others within earshot - including a member of the press - heard it loud and clear. Still he (lamely) tries to worm his way out of taking responsibility for his actions by saying that his words were misconstrued and that there was a misunderstanding.

What to practice: 

Learn to recognize the 3 flags of Lameness in others (and in yourself).

·        False assumptions: Assuming everyone agrees with a certain belief

·        Irrelevant arguments: Why is this information being brought into the discussion? Is it really connected to the issue at hand?

·        Incorrect accounting of events: Listen carefully to distinguish interpretations from facts. If you know something is factually untrue, set the record straight.

 Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez has made history as a powerful female leader on the American political scene. I hope this article will inspire you to take on board some of the lessons we can learn from her as a path to your own self-empowerment.