Anyone Can Be A Leader

Article Written By: Kilani Daane

I looked up at the scoreboard, wiping sweat off of my forehead. 24-20. If they score one more point, we’re out of the championship. I close my eyes for a moment and exhale out the stress and pressure of the moment. We can do this. I look around at my teammates, all equally anxious from the numbers illuminated on the board above the volleyball court - their bodies tense, eyes wide, and you could almost see the defeat on our shoulders. Yet I knew we had something more in us. I took a chance, one no captain or coach in our league would take.?

Let’s rewind for a moment. Here’s how we got there.

When I was in school, I was an elite volleyball player and my commitment to the sport had taken over my entire focus. Very quickly, my life became about volleyball - I woke up excited to play, I waited all day at school for practice time, and could not contain my excitement to head to the gym after practice to continue developing myself as an athlete. It didn’t take long before I was one of the best players on the team.

Approaching my final school season, one I was confident I would lead the team in, I spent extra time on the court, extra time in the gym, and extra time on my mindset in order to earn my spot. I knew I was going to be voted captain, and it was my duty to lead my team to the championship. When it came time for our team to vote captains for the season, I stood with my head high, confident that I would be voted one of the leaders. To my disappointment, my name was not called. I wasn’t voted in. My initial reaction was one of hurt, but I soon realized that though I had grown a lot as an athlete, all of my attention had been on myself. Not on the team. However, though I wasn’t voted by my team to lead, I still had this burning desire in my heart to move forward and lead the way.?

I remember having a conversation with my dad about the disappointing result after the team vote and he taught me a valuable lesson that day. He told me that even though I wasn't voted into a leadership position, I could still choose to be a leader to the team. I could still choose to show up every day with the body of a leader, the mindset of a leader, and the essence of a leader.

With that new awareness, my focus changed. Despite not being the official captain of the team, I chose to show up as the type of leader I aspired to be. I made every training and match with the team count. Not only did I focus on my own performance, but I also began to shift my focus to the other team members. Every day, I asked myself, "What can I do to help elevate each team member in the process?" I noticed that I gradually became more engaged in their abilities and in helping them improve in their abilities and confidence as players. And the effect was powerful.

It was in the final championship game of our season - we were up against an undefeated team - a team we were predicted to lose against. And losing was what we were doing. We were two sets down and nothing seemed to be working with our team. Point after point, we were making reckless mistakes that were costing us dearly. During every break, the coach and the captains would keep telling the team the same thing. "You need to play better, You need to stick to the strategy, watch your technique," and so on. No matter what the coaches or captains through at the team, things were just not working. More than halfway through the game I had this idea. You could call it a moment of insight and I was confident it was an idea that the coaches, nor the captains would ever recommend in a situation like that. For a brief moment, I hesitated to speak up and share my idea with the team and coaches because my initial impulse was to simply follow orders from those in a leadership position. But then I remembered my conversation with my dad, and during our time-out, I spoke up.

"Guys", I said, "we've tried everything so far and nothing's working. I have an idea that I think might work." My head coach turned to me with surprise and then smiled. "Kilani, go ahead, the floor is yours". I turned to the team and conjured up all of my confidence. "Guys, we've been trying to win by playing by the opponent's rules and they have dominated this game so far. Let's take over control of this game by playing the way we play best. We play best by having fun, being relaxed, and being loose. Let's get that back and go out and have fun playing our game. At least if we lose, we can say we lost on our terms, not on theirs." The coaches, captains, and the rest of the team look around at each other and they all nodded at my idea, Immediately, we became that team we knew ourselves to be. We started to have fun, play loose, take crazy risks, and celebrated each other with every point. Gradually, we brought our score back and won the match in the final set to become champions for that season.?

At Level V Partners, we work with a unique framework called The Five Energies (described in detail in Marcel Daane’s book Five Energies of Horrible Bosses: And How Not to Become One). With my knowledge and practice of The Five Energies now, I look back on this story and understand why being “loose” allowed us to be so successful. When we project a tense or contracted energy, known as Determined or Heavy energy, we may get a lot checked off our to-do lists, and be extremely strategic and technical, However, being in Determined and Heavy energy leaves little to no room for reaction, agility, or adjustment: all important skills in a volleyball game. When our team successfully shifted ourselves into what we call Light energy (easy-going, focused on fun, flexible), we were able to adapt and react as needed to the situation which allowed us to create the success we worked so hard to achieve.

My championship volleyball game experience is the reason that to this day I believe that anyone has the potential to be a leader, no matter the job title, family role, name, gender, race, age, or any other classification. What makes a leader is heart, and everyone has a heart.?

For many years, we’ve been taught that a leader is someone who possesses a certain title or level of authority. Someone who knows the path ahead, and someone who can tell us where to go and how to get there. While these are also great qualities of a leader, this alone doesn’t define what a leader is. Harvard Business Review agrees on the idea that being in a leadership position does not equal being a leader: “To lead, you must be able to connect, motivate, and inspire a sense of ownership of shared objectives.”?

The Latin root of the word leader, l?dan, means “to go before as a guide,” or in other words, someone who leads from the front and guides the rest of the group to wherever they’re looking to go. All of us have the ability to lead, it’s just a matter of cultivating the skills we need to be effective leaders, and lucky for us, we already have the pre-leadership skills, or as I’ll call them below: leadership qualities. Here are the three steps to leading, regardless of whether you’re in a leadership role or not.?

Step 1. Find your leadership qualities.

In order to become a leader, we must first possess leadership qualities, and as I mentioned above, we already have these! Through life experience as students, athletes, parents, grandparents, employees, and bosses, we all naturally gain certain leadership qualities such as having a vision, being able to connect with others, having good time management, being able to boost others’ self-esteem and cheer on others, as well as surrounding yourself with other successful people. Once those leadership qualities are built, we now have the foundation to build an excellent leader.?

Step 2. Understand that you’re already a leader.

Even if you don’t have employees reporting to you, it doesn't mean you don’t have a leadership role in your life. The customers you work with could see you as a leader, your kids could see you as a leader, your partner, your parents, or your friends could see you as a leader. Observe yourself in the roles in your life where you are already an effective leader and see where you can pick up on your strongest leadership qualities. Start to see yourself as a leader in this area, because you already are. If you’re a leader here, you can be a leader anywhere else too.?

Step 3. Apply these leadership lessons to any areas of your life you want to be a leader in.

The third step is to bring together steps one and two to create the leader you want to be in a new situation. Take your strongest leadership qualities, and combine them with your strongest leadership experience in areas of your life where you are already a leader. That version of yourself who leads from the front, leads with excitement, and puts your team first, is the exact best version of yourself as a leader in any situation. The last step is to start showing up as that version of yourself in the new situation.?

From this article, we’ve discovered that we’re all capable of being leaders - and great leaders at that. We all possess the essential leadership qualities that allow us to step into the best version of ourselves as leaders. Though it may not be clear immediately, we all play various leadership roles in our lives - as parents, teachers, mentors, bosses, employees, representatives, partners, etc. When we’re able to combine these leadership qualities with our experience as leaders in other areas of our lives, we’ve just created the perfect formula for us to operate as a leader in any situation. The most important part of being a leader is leading with heart… and we all have a heart.

About the Author

Born and raised in Singapore, but now operating and living in Toronto, Canada, Kilani Daane is a former Division 1 Beach Volleyball champion who now is the co-founder of Level V Partners, a global Executive and Leadership Coaching Company where she functions as an Executive Coach for emerging talent and is the Head of Marketing.

Kilani can be reached at: [email protected]

About Level V Partners

Our number one value is family, and we take that value very seriously in everything we do. As a family, we have dedicated our lives to being role models who inspire hope and the possibility of a better future for everyone, and we are so excited to have been given the opportunity to introduce ourselves to you.

As a company, we take this value with us in everything we do. So, as a global business run by a family, you can count on us treating you as a part of our family where we commit ourselves fully to helping your organization create a lasting impact in less time, and with less effort.

Marcel is a top Executive Coach, voted Executive Coach of the Year in 2020, the author of two critically acclaimed leadership books, and is considered one of the world’s authorities in mind-body leadership. Kilani is a former National Level Division I Beach Volleyball Athlete and entrepreneur who is currently pursuing her ICF coaching accreditation in Ontological Learning and has been described as a transformational coach with a deep sense of wisdom and intuition.

Coming from our own coaching backgrounds, we decided to join forces in 2021 to increase our effectiveness as a multi-generational unit so we can support multinational and multicultural teams to help them future-proof their organizations for generations to come.