Are Any Of These Thinking Traps Tripping You Up In Life & Business?

At one time or another, all of us have found ourselves swirling in a negative thought pattern. When negative thought patterns become habitual, it's crucial to recognize them and then interrupt and break the pattern. For example, I recently coached a client who was convinced she was going to be displaced from her high paying corporate job. She firmly believed her boss was setting her up for failure by assigning her, as she put it "nearly impossible deadlines". She was also quite certain her peers viewed her as incompetent and soon, she feared, even her supportive husband would know she was a fraud! Sound familiar? To some degree, the majority of us engage in negative thought patterns. I refer to these patterns as thinking traps!

I introduced my above-mentioned client to the concept of thinking traps and showed her how she could recognize an unhealthy thought pattern and quickly turn it around. As it turns out, 95% of the thoughts she was thinking were false! In reality, her boss routinely delegates tough projects to her because he views her as a highly competent professional. Her peers respect her ability and view her as a valuable member of the team. Her husband thinks the world of her and would never view her as a fraud. As we all know, the mind is capable of making up some incredible stories.

Let's take a closer look at 5 of the more common thinking traps we are well served to avoid and look at how, if left unchecked, they can wreak havoc in your life and career! As you read through this list, see if you can identify with any of them. For example, I recently went into a pretty good "dramatization" thinking trap pertaining to a significant home repair I was told we needed. As it turned out, the major repair was avoided, but I realized I had spent far too much time and energy catastrophizing about how much it was going to inconvenience me. This served as a great reminder of how quickly I can suck into a thinking trap!

THE MIND READER. We are certain we know what others are thinking about us because after all, we can read their mind. How many times do our assumptions turn out to be false? For example, our spouse has become quiet lately so we assume they must be having doubts about our marriage. Our neighbor hasn't been as friendly as he used to be so he must be angry about something! Our son's teacher gave us very little feedback at the last parent teacher conference so she must think we are checked out parents. Left unchecked, the mind reading game will go on and on. Our challenge is to recognize this thinking trap as the illusion it is and change channels. Remember, we possess a 2000 year old brain that was designed for fight or flight. It will always assume the worst. We really don't know what someone else is thinking unless we ask them. This will take practice, however, the peace of mind you gain is well worth it! 

ME. We make everything about us. How could I be so stupid? Why would anyone trust me with something this important? I never get anything right. This thinking trap causes us to take full responsibility for every negative thing that happens to us and we completely disregard the wins we experience. In reality, we would never speak to anyone else as abusively as we speak to ourselves. For many, the origin of ME comes from the way we were talked to as children. If we were told we were not good enough long enough, many of us unconsciously decided to live up to the label. Our challenge is to take the focus off of our perceived shortcomings and focus on our wins. When we consistently do this, we realize how competent we actually are. We also realize that life is a team effort and it's all right to share and collaborate with others.  

OTHERS. If it weren't for them, this wouldn't be happening to me! If I had a better boss, I would do better work. My spouse makes me act this way. If the teachers taught better, my kids wouldn't be flunking out! When we are stuck in this thinking trap, we take very little responsibility for anything that happens to us because in our mind it's always someone else's fault. Much like ME, blaming OTHERS is a conditioned response most of us learned during childhood. In our mind, blaming others was the best way to navigate our way out of trouble. This pattern continued into adulthood. Our challenge is to realize that taking personal responsibility for our CHOICES is the only way we can break this pattern and live an emotionally healthy life. Admitting mistakes and most importantly, learning from them boosts our confidence and makes us much easier to be around!

DRAMATIZATION. I often refer to this as "Chicken Little Syndrome" because we believe the sky is falling, even when it clearly isn't. This thinking trap causes us to build a catastrophic case for even the slightest perceived problem. Everything is based on a worst-case scenario whereby we have no control over the outcome and we see no solution to the problem. It's a very paranoid and cynical way to be in relationship with the world. Our challenge is to recognize that life is a journey of twists and turns and all of us will experience problems. It's just as easy to visualize a positive outcome as it is to catastrophize on all the things that could go wrong. The mind will believe what you feed it, so it's wise to feed it with positive thoughts.

HELP ME. This thinking trap keeps many of us crippled because we don't view ourselves as capable or competent. Whenever anything is slightly out of our EXTREME comfort zone, we begin looking for someone to bail us out. This is commonly referred to as learned helplessness. Often this is the result of parents who did everything for us when we were growing up. Because they never held us capable, we are afraid of taking risks and making mistakes. Our challenge is to take uncomfortable action and hold ourselves accountable for finding solutions to our challenges the moment they come up. Every time we break out of this thinking trap, we build muscles of competence and we establish new capabilities. As the saying goes, "when the going gets tough, the tough get going"!

My hope is that by recognizing these 5 thinking traps when they surface, you will be able to quickly see it for what it is and shift into a new mindset. Most of our suffering occurs because of the stories we create in our mind. Knowing this, we have the ability to change our thoughts which in turn changes the quality of our life! You're worth it!

As always, I look forward to your thoughts and feedback.

To learn more about John and his practice, visit www.johnpageburton.com