Any Old Thing Will Never Do
I work in a nursing home and sometimes find myself at the Front Desk when visitors walk in. During one of these occasions, a lady came in with a large sack in hand. She was dropping off books and periodicals for the residents. She widely smiled and was overtly proud of her donation as she handed it over the desk. I politely thanked her and within 30 seconds of the exchange she walked out the door.
Upon investigating the bag of donations, I noticed newspaper advertisements, sales catalogs from several years back, musty paperbacks, and discarded mail. The items reeked of indecipherable odors. How is it that this well-meaning visitor thought her parcel of papers was such a contribution to people living in a nursing home? From her pious display, you would have thought she had dramatically impacted the lives of hundreds of people akin to curing a worldwide disease.
Residents are often recipients of items like these and worse. I have seen everything from stained undergarments to broken glassware. Do not get me wrong, donations and even secondhand items can be helpful when suitable. The trouble I am coming to terms with is the fact that if you happen to live in a nursing home why should it be automatically assumed that secondhand items are ok. Somehow ‘secondhandedness’ in a nursing home is the expected norm. Yet, secondhandedness is shortsightedness. The mentality of any old thing will do for people living in nursing homes will never do.
Based on my experiences, the message being sent is that the resident is not important or worthy enough to get something new. We would never think of giving secondhand items at parties or for other occasions. I guess society has ingrained into us that if you have succumbed to the frailties of life and now must live in a nursing home you are less of a person which equates to less meaningful giving.
The illusion of a doing a good deed makes people feel like they have ‘done something’ for the cause. The focus of doing a good deed and giving must always be aligned with what is best for the receiver not the other way around. In order to for this to be successful, the receiver must benefit to the same level if not more than the giver. In a nursing home, the resident seldom sees the donation because it is not fitting, or it does not meet a true need they are experiencing. It is like giving socks to a person who has no feet. Yes, I have witnessed this type of insensitive giving, too. Many donations are just token gestures at best.
What is one to do? Well, here is a helpful recommendation. When you want to donate to a nursing home, call the Admissions Coordinator or Activities Director and ask them what specific and personal need could be met. Resist the urge to pawn off castoffs and expect that will suffice. But there is a greater opportunity is all of this. Many residents experience loneliness and boredom to such an immeasurable degree that all the donations in the world will never satisfy. Consider making a commitment to visit one resident on a routine basis to build a meaningful, long standing connection. The investment of time into a relationship with a person living in a nursing home is the best donation of all.